Just a heads up. I’ve gotten some temp work, which will last through the next few weeks. Then I head to Arkansas to see my kids for Thanksgiving (woohoo!). For a while, I expect that things will be a little busy, a little crazy. I have a million things I want to blog about, and two million I want to otherwise write about, but I’m not sure when I can cram it all in. At the end of that first day of corporate fun (Friday), all I could think about was crawling into bed and snuggling with my puppy.
The commute was a lot more stressful than the job itself, by the way. I am not the best of drivers, and I felt as though I were maneuvering Fred Flintstone’s car at the Indianapolis 500. I’m way too ADD and hypersensitive for Texas highways and byways, and when I see other drivers cursing at me, it hurts my feelings.
Thanks SO MUCH to those of you whose excellent comments now grace the “Suicide, No Girlfriend” post. You’ve shared some thoughtful, heartfelt advice which (hopefully) will help many people for many moons to come. More on this, but I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you.
One of these days, the stars and the planets, as well as my internet connection and my health, will all align perfectly. Mercury will be in retrograde and the weather will be balmy and breezy. I’ll win the lottery and build a special room with excellent feng shui, perfect lighting and Antonio Banderas wallpaper. Then, I’ll be able to write more consistently. Okay, okay, then I’ll come up with another reason that I’m not writing consistently. Actually, I do write every day, it’s just that little of it’s worthy of posting here, or submitting anywhere else. Also, I’m not funny these days. Really. Once I have a paycheck or two under my belt, I’ll go to the health food store and get a humor gland cleanse, but in the meantime, I’ll go to work, be dour and write grouchy things when there’s time.
Everything really IS bigger in Texas. There are scary creepy insects the size of my head that the locals call “water bugs,” which is a euphemism for “big ass disgusting roaches.” It doesn’t matter if your home is clean (which my friend’s definitely is). If it’s old, you will be sharing residence with the horrific things, which cause me to scream, loudly and often.
The dog that lives behind my friend Botmo’s house is this HUGE Mastiff named Sully, who’s Theo’s new best friend. They smoosh noses together through the chain link fence and race back and forth together, happily waggling their tails. Sully’s tail is about the length of three Theos. Since my camera hasn’t magically healed itself yet, I pilfered borrowed the above photo from New York magazine, just to give you an idea of the size difference here. According to his owner, Sully weighs 175 pounds, which is 170 more than my tiny guy. I love watching them. Once Theo discovered that Sully couldn’t eat him like an M&M, he became the dominant player in their relationship. He quickly grows bored and moves on to lizards and sticks in the yard, while his big friend stares sad-eyed and longingly after him, waiting patiently until his tiny buddy decides to return to their fun and games.
By the way, I have to keep a close watch for hawks and owls when Theo’s outside, because they actually do scoop up chihuahuas around here. I saw a hawk circling one day, so now I keep a big bird-bopping stick close at hand (though Botmo assures me that it won’t help at all). I’ve been reading up on deterrents, like brightly colored doggy sweaters and pins with flashing lights. I may just dye him a bright green, string some Christmas lights around him and call it good. The lights could double as a leash, and Theo could double as a tree. It’s a win-win.
So I’ve met big dogs, big bugs and a big person.
Last week, I put an ad on craigslist for a computer router, and within ten minutes, someone contacted me saying he’d sell me a brand new one for $10. And so it was that I made the acquaintance of Bill, a computer wiz and lifelong Texan. We met at a Home Depot parking lot and made the exchange. I laughed inside when Bill saw Theo in the car and said, “I’ve got one of those,” because Bill is about the size of two Sullys. In addition to instructions about how to hook up the router, Bill also imparted the following wisdom, the Rule of Texas, the Law of the Land.
“We’re a place of immigrants,” he said. “We got this land from the Mexicans and the Indians, and we don’t care who comes and lives here. But don’t go trying to bring your New York or Illinois ways here. We like things the way they are.” I don’t think that’ll be a problem because A: I don’t plan on staying that long, and B: I’ve never lived in either New York or Illinois. But I was glad for the warning. Bill also told me that he had just gone into semi-retirement, because he wants to “lie low, until I see what happens. You know, because of the election.”
That’s about it for now. I probably won’t be writing much for the couple of weeks, because I’ll be busy temping at a downtown law firm. A big one, I’m sure.