Que Sera, Sera (How the Hell Should I Know?)
My daughter once asked me, “So, Mom– how long does a mid-life crisis last, anyway?” I don’t know the answer, but I’m going on about six years here, and it shows no signs of letting up.
The job has ended, and I’m considering where to go from here. What do I want to be when I grow up? Where do we want to live? Is the world really my oyster, or is it a bad clam?
I’m going to be getting a chunk of severance money within the next few weeks. It’s not a lot, but it’s more than I’ve ever had at one time in my entire life, and it’s sort of freaking me out. I’ll pay off some bills and save some of it of course, but what to do with the rest? I can use it to move; I could take classes, send it all to my kids or buy about 9984 pieces of dark chocolate Godiva truffles. The possibilities are endless.
One thing I’m definitely doing is traveling south to see my kids. Boy howdy, I miss those two. We’re trying to firm up plans to meet within the next few weeks. We’ll go to my sister’s, then hang out in Nashville for a couple of days, where we’ll jump on hotel beds, hug and talk. I’m taking Theo the Wonderpup® with me, to keep me company on the road, and so that he can meet his brother and sister.
I’m very excited about all of this. My son and daughter are my favorite human beings, and really, as far as I’m concerned, they could be those kinds of social misfits who live with their mothers, never marry and sit in front of the TV wearing sweatpants and eating pretzels for the rest of their lives. It would suit me just fine. Probably not too healthy for any of us though, and I don’t think it would sit too well with them, since they seem to want to have actual lives apart from their parents. The nerve.
It’s the distance that gets me. My children are almost twelve hours away, driving-wise, and I haven’t seen my son in two years. Sigh…Tom and I are still trying to figure out the relocation thing, and hopefully we’ll land someplace that puts us closer to some of my family members while still meeting some of the other criteria (job opportunities, bike trails, warmer weather, etc.).
As for future occupations, I’ve been considering song writing. Well, song rewriting, actually. I was thinking about that Doris day song, Que Sera, Sera, and I kind of tweaked it and made my own 21st century version. If you’re unfamiliar with this fabulous tune, or if you just want a little mood music, click here.
Here are the original lyrics, and below it, my version:
Que Sera, Sera
(Doris Day)
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be?
Will I be pretty, will I be rich?
Here’s what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows, day after day?
Here’s what my sweetheart said.
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
______________________________________
What the Hell?
(Moonbeam McQueen)
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be?
Will I be pretty, will I be rich?
Here’s what she said to me.
How the hell should I know?
Do I have a crystal ball?
You try, you’ll succeed or fall
Look at me and your father.
When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows, day after day?
Here’s what my sweetheart said.
How the hell should I know?
We’ll probably fight like crazy,
I’ll womanize and be lazy
Then we’ll get divorced.
Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.
How the hell should I know?
You’ll leave me and break my heart
We’ll live 2000 miles apart,
And you’ll never call or visit.
I know it needs work, but it’s a start. It doesn’t really rhyme or have great meter, but it expresses what’s in my heart, and I believe that’s an important component of song writing.
This will all have to end eventually, because you can only have a mid-life crisis while you’re middle-aged, and at this point, I’m at the halfway mark of 94 years old. I’m not planning to be around much longer than that, so this means that thankfully, I’ll soon be out of this mid-life limbo.
I wonder how long a late-life crisis lasts.
boundandgags said,
July 27, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Oh, oh! A chuck of change during a mid-life crisis! Dangerous combination!
Imagine if I won the Lotto!
kaylee said,
July 27, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Oh man I hope you do what you want to
Thank you (((kaylee)))!
teeni said,
July 27, 2008 at 4:01 pm
LOL. Weird Al Yankovich better look out!
Ha! I could be “Manic Moonbeam McQueen!”
Peter Parkour said,
July 27, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Get a move on girl, that’s what you should do.
Loved your song. I sang it to my wife and she enjoyed it too. 
You serenaded your wife with my song? That’s so romantic!
thebeadden said,
July 27, 2008 at 4:29 pm
((((Hugs)))) Moonbeam. Nobody does a mid-life crisis like you!
Thanks (((BD))). I think it’s because I’ve been in mid-life crisis mode for so long. Lots of practice!
Little Miss said,
July 27, 2008 at 4:41 pm
You totally rock. If anyone can take a midlife crisis and make it funny, you can. I totally get the having your kids be misfits living with their parent forever. I’d do the same if we could all get along. Unfortunately, my older daughter insisted on getting married and having her own family and babies. I keep asking to borrow those babies – permanently – but for some reason she says no. The nerve. Hahahaha.
I think you should find a way to find that house by the river you’ve always wanted.
Marriage? Babies? I can’t even go there, LM! That would mean that they were serious about cutting the apron strings. I’m still hoping that they’ll regress into “living with Mom forever” mode. Of course, it would get old fast, but in my imagination, it’s all perfect.
I’d LOVE to find that house. Mmmmm…. fishies.
birdpress said,
July 27, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Your version of that song is so much better!
Plenty of people live past 100 now, so go on and milk the midlife crisis a few more years if your little heart so desires.
Thanks, Bird!
Heaven help the world if I live to be a hundred. Ninety-eight, maybe.
romi41 said,
July 27, 2008 at 9:40 pm
“We’ll probably fight like crazy,
I’ll womanize and be lazy
Then we’ll get divorced”
No, no NO!!! I do NOT accept these revised lyrics!!!
(….but I still hope you feel better….but I’m still pissed off about your “dash of truth” lyrics….hmph!
)
No! Romi! Shield your innocent eyes!!!! I should have warned you not to read those lyrics!
museditions said,
July 28, 2008 at 12:59 am
What’s the matter whicha, MB? If the calculator in my head is working right, you are, like, YOUNG! You don’t get to have a mid-life crisis when you’re, like, young! Oh, wait, that might mean you are having a really long one if you’ve already started…Never mind, don’t listen to me.
I liked your song very much. I’m VERY happy you will see your children, and it would be great to move closer to them, obviously. Just one thing…you lament they don’t come to see you, but you’ve replaced them with the Wonderpup®! Who you are introducing as their brother. I know he’s the Wonderpup®; there’s no disputing that, but…
ME, have I told you how much I adore you? How you must come back here as often as possible to tell me how young I am?
I love Theo, but I’m partial to my fur-less children. My son said that Theo is NOT his brother, but that’s only because they haven’t met yet. That will all change soon. I hope so anyway. I don’t want there to be any sibling rivalry.
Wendy said,
July 28, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I love What The Hell? Best Lyrics Ever. You might really have a career ahead of you re-writing music. You should buy a keyboard with some of your money. I always see songwriters sitting at keyboards.
Funny you should mention that. I really, really, really want a keyboard, especially now that I realize that there is this untapped well of creativity within my soul that’s just dying to be released.
2lazydogs said,
July 28, 2008 at 5:18 pm
If you do decide to splurge on the 9984 pieces of dark chocolate Godiva truffles…call me. I think you may need help consuming those. Thanks.
Oooh— I could buy 1000 pieces of sushi, then follow up with 7000 truffles. It sounds like a good investment, and if I do this, I’ll definitely be calling you.
Jan said,
July 29, 2008 at 12:01 am
Mid life crisis !!!! OMG…. that’s what I’m going through? I’m so glad I found out and that i now have an excuse for all my actions…. LOL I loved your song. I think you have a future there. I think you should definitely buy that keyboard. Did I mention that I LOVE chocolate? (((HUGS)))
That is the one nice thing about mid-life crises– you have a blanket excuse for ALL of your crazy actions. It’s very handy in a pinch. I’m adding you to the chocolate sharing list.
Willie G said,
July 29, 2008 at 7:57 am
I totally relate. I wish I could go back and do it all over again, but this time with all the information I’ve gained the first time through. Do you have a booking agent yet?
No, I don’t. Are you applying for the job?
gypsy-heart said,
July 30, 2008 at 8:20 am
I think you should use the money to relocate..that would solve so many things..eh?
Move according to your list requirements..nearer to children, jobs, warm weather, etc. Just do it!
I also think you might consider taking a class or two. I see the classes opening doors for you..you are a talented writer…you have the magic touch my dear…a gift!!
I know my comment may be along the serious line..I couldn’t help myself though so forgive me. I just think your heart moved beyond your neighborhood long ago. Now the universe is providing the way. So pack up your two boys and go!!
Did you discuss your version of this song with my Mother, because that sounds exactly like what she told me years ago. :O
Good energies and peace of heart to you!
I’m soooo ready to move. You’re right of course, it’s one of those “just do it” things. There will never be a perfect time.
I’m seriously thinking about taking a copyediting course or two online. I want out of HR, and it seems like something I’d enjoy, and I could freelance. I could also write on the side (maybe, hopefully).
I think I did have that conversation with your mother once– I accompanied my mother to a Mom Convention, and heard the two of them (yours and mine) talking.
Thank you as always for your words of wisdom, gypsy. I promise, I’m listening.
thebeadden said,
July 30, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Yes, what gypsy said.