Jackie Gleason’s on My Chest and Vultures are on Standby
I feel like a carp gasping on the grass of a riverbank. Poop fire, I hate being sick.
I finally realized that the cause of all of this is an antibiotic I was taking for a urinary tract infection. The drug is called Nitrofurantoin, and side effects apparently include feeling as though Jackie Gleason’s standing on your chest, lying in bed wide-eyed all night pondering why your puppy is the size of a paper clip yet emits feces the size of boulders, and a sensation in the limbs that brings to mind spaghetti noodles with lead weights tied to the ends. It’s a beautiful experience, really.
After reading about this wonder drug, I decided that I’d rather walk around for the rest of my life with millions of germs using my urinary tract as a gangland hideout than to put up with the cure, so I’ve discontinued using it. Actually, I think I took enough of it to probably kill most of them, but I still have these bullfrog glands. I’ve also been fantasizing about strolling though the desert until I die and vultures tie white linen napkins around their necks before dining on my remains. Depression is one of the side-effects too.
For someone who, a couple of weeks ago, was feeling so great, so full of joy and peppitude, I realize that I am a complete blogging dud right now. I’m going to refrain from subjecting you to any more blah, since the preponderance of comments lately have been variations of “hope you feel better soon.” I appreciate the kindness so much, but really, I like it better when I cheer you up. I’ll wait to post until I can come up with something that doesn’t make you want to take that desert stroll with me. In the meantime, please, someone take this hook out of my mouth and throw me back into the water.
kaylee said,
July 13, 2008 at 5:05 pm
OH Moonbeam, just get well then come back. i will be right here thinking about you
Thanks, Kaylee. I’m working on it. Ugh.
joanharvest said,
July 13, 2008 at 5:22 pm
I can’t help myself. I have to give advice here. I hope you are drinking lots of unsweetened cranberry juice and taking lots of acidophilus. After taking an antibiotic like that you need to replace all the good bacteria it killed. If the infection is not completely gone I can recommend stuff that’s natural that will help it go away.
OK, lecture over. In the meantime how’s Theo, the wonderdog? Just to change the subject.
I won’t even tell you I hope you feel better because i know you will. So there.
Health-related advice from you is always welcome, Joan. I ran out of the cranberry juice, but I’ll go get more. I always do acidophilus with antibiotics, so that’s covered.
Theo is ADORABLE! Shitting all over the floor, but looking very cute while doing it. I need a picture of him walking around with his yellow sweatband around his neck. It’s hilarious.
2lazydogs said,
July 13, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Oh…good times. Lung injury, liver damage? I’ve taken this drug several times before, luckily, without all the crazy side effects. Just had to deal with the shock of my pee being a nasty orange/rust color – like I’d been drinking gallons of orange KoolAid and chewing on rusty bolts.
I can’t believe how it’s making my lungs feel. Sigh….and yes, the burnt orange pee is just another added bonus!
I visited your blog for a little while the other day, but my brain’s so muddled I didn’t comment. Loved the hot air balloon story!
kimiam said,
July 13, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Hope you feel better soon!
Heehee…thanks, Kim!
Sometimes Saintly Nick said,
July 13, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Thanks for the warning about Nitrofurantoin. I have enough problems breathing as it is. Therefore, I shall add Nitrofurantoin to my “do not imbibe” list.
Hi Nick! It’s definitely affected my breathing, and I hope it’s never prescribed for you. I hope you’re doing well…
romi41 said,
July 13, 2008 at 9:13 pm
” I decided that I’d rather walk around for the rest of my life with millions of germs using my urinary tract as a gangland hideout than to put up with the cure, so I’ve discontinued using it”….well if it’s any consolation to your blogging intentions that bit made me laugh a lot, but yeah…still hope you feel better soon
That is a consolation, romi. Thanks!
Adam said,
July 13, 2008 at 9:51 pm
I hope you feel better soon. A shame about the antibiotic… It’s cruel to put such a medicine out there, and then tell people they have to take every last pill. I suppose the side effects of just about any medicine are equally concerning, and you never know when they’re going to strike.
Thanks, Adam. I wonder why it’s not like in the commercials, where a doctor or trusted friend ran down a list of potential side-effects. Normally, I read up on stuff before I take it, but usually antibiotics aren’t something I’d think to worry about.
kaylee said,
July 13, 2008 at 9:53 pm
I miss you though!
teeni said,
July 14, 2008 at 9:25 am
Wow – the side effects of the drugs really are sometimes worse than the condition itself. Sheesh. I am hoping for your speedy recovery. Sorry to get some giggles at your expense while you aren’t feeling well, but I did have to laugh at the description of Jackie Gleason sitting on your chest.
Teeni, thank you! That’s exactly what I was thinking- this cure is going to kill me! The thought of Jackie Gleason on one’s chest would be terrifying to some, so I’m glad it made you laugh!
Abbe said,
July 14, 2008 at 9:50 am
Hey MB:
I’d be happy to stroll through the desert (want to type dessert) with you. I’ll bring my newish GPS unit so we can both make it back out of the desert. If we look at the desert as a big beach, although I really am not a fan of sand, maybe the journey will seem less daunting?? And just think of the potential joy when we find that oasis (the one with the water, not the band).
Sounds great, Abbe– I’ll bring the anti-vulture kit!
queenofplanethotflash said,
July 14, 2008 at 10:56 am
It friggin sucks to be sick and sucks even more when the meds make you feel worse than the sickness. My daughters are pro’s with tract infections and they drink no soda. They have generous supplies of cranberry supplements and bottles of water.
At least one of the side effects isn’t anal leakage !!! lmao
FEEL WELL SOON
Queenie, I agree. In this case, I didn’t even know I was sick– didn’t feel bad at all, so this really sucks. I don’t usually drink soda either, so I’m a little puzzled as to how I got it. I’m stocking back up on the cranberry juice, and praying for no anal leakage.
thebeadden said,
July 14, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Hope you are doing better, Moonbeam! Those freaking antibiotics they hand out now, with the list of side-effects, it makes me cringe. I wonder why more doctors don’t suggest natural remedies that won’t end up making you feel like crap. Sorry you had to go through this. Be well and take care.
Hey, ((BD)). I am feeling better today, but still really weak. I’m really going to think twice before unquestioningly taking a prescribed med. When I feel better, I’m going to go hunt down the manufacturer of this stuff and beat the crap out of him/her. Not really, but it does make me feel better to imagine it.
janh683 said,
July 14, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Sorry about all the problems but atleast you still have your sense of humor. Sending you lots of healing energy. (((HUGS)))
Thank you, (((jan))). Today’s been better. I’m just going to keep napping and whining until it goes away. That’s my antidote.
QuakerDave said,
July 14, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I am having a hate-hate relationship with antibiotics. I had a terrible reaction to something called Avelox last fall when I was having all my health issues. About twenty minutes after I took it (on a Friday night), I started to hear voices and got really anxious. Like scared anxious. And feeling very sad and very hopeless.
I called the doctor, and got the guy who was covering that night. I am so grateful he was the one who answered. He told me that I needed to pick up a prescription that he was going to call in immediately, but that my wife needed to pick it up. I was not to drive because “you might be tempted to drive into a tree.” He told me that that he had also experienced extreme anxiety while using this drug, and that he no longer prescribed it for his patients.
The meds he called in for me helped, by the way.
I have since spoken to a colleague who has had long-term sinus issues and who was using this drug for almost a year, during which time he was also treated for depression. He said he thought he might end up hurting himself.
When he went off the Avalox, his depression went away.
Anecdotal, I know, but scary.
Healing prayers coming your way.
Dave, I remember when you were having all of those health issues last year. Thank goodness that you made it through all of that.
I’m really glad for your comment here. I didn’t mention this in detail in the post, but I think the most disturbing thing about this episode was the extreme change in my behavior. I became so anxious, and for days now, I’ve stayed up until 6:00 a.m. or so, because when I tried to sleep, horrible, uncharacteristically hopeless, depressive thoughts would run through my mind non-stop. It was horrible, and I hope tonight’s better. Fortunately, I know myself well enough to have realized that this could not be “me,” which is why I looked up the drug’s side effects in the first place. The physical stuff was awful (and I mean AWFUL), but it was the mental that scared me most of all.
I can’t believe that they are allowed to sell some of the stuff they do. It seems to me that one or two people having such adverse reactions would be enough to keep it off the market. Surely there are less dangerous substitutes.
You made me feel so much better. Thank you!