More Commuterama
Here are a few of the forty zillion things I’ve been mulling over during this week’s commute:
I’m extraordinarily grateful to have a paycheck coming in these days. Woohoo!
Amy Winehouse is starting to bear an eerie resemblance Endora from the television series Bewitched, which is sort of a shame because Agnes Moorehead was 64 when she started that role, and Amy’s only about 24.
I hum this tune a lot while I’m driving. Anyone remember it?
I think about my blog friend Kaylee an awful lot. If you have the time, please remember to pop in and say hi to her and offer encouragement. She has Meebo, so you can even do a bit of live chatting with her.
I’ve been considering this creative visualization thing, and the theory that in order to get what you want you simply have to imagine it. It seems like such an ethnocentric thing to me. I can’t make this process work, because I start feeling selfish and guilty and soon all I can think about are people who are starving, or living in war torn countries, or being kept as slaves in their father’s basements. Then I start to imagine that maybe I should creatively visualize saving the world.
My energy levels are low and I’ve been feeling rotten that I haven’t had more time to visit my blog buddies. Things’ll be back to normal at the end of May, and I’ll start lurking and leaving snarky comments again soon, I promise.
I’ve been thinking about all the outraged posts people have been writing about Miley Cyrus and the Vanity Fair photos, and I just want to say to all of them, “I agree with you completely.”
Remember how outraged Wal-Mart was when Vanity Fair featured Demi Moore, tastefully nude and pregnant, on the cover? They pulled the magazine from the shelves faster than you could say, “Bruce Willis is my baby daddy.” Eventually, they started carrying the magazine again, but hasn’t their lack of response to this one seemed a little strange? Oh, never mind– they’re the ones who carried pre-teen panties with “Who needs a credit card?” printed on the front. I guess it’s okay when it’s an underage girl.
I dream about the little doggie in my future. I’ve been pricing little teacup pups and they are so damned expensive–$600 to about $1200 for a teacup chihuahua works out to about $200-$400 a pound. I think I’m going to have to go for a cheaper brand, something in the $50 a pound range.
I was thinking about Peter Parkour, and what a great idea he shared about taping random thoughts. Last week, I logged over 90 minutes of mental meandering on my tape recorder, and although I’m only using a small portion of what goes through my head while driving, it’s wonderful not to have to try to remember all of the weirdness that flows between my ears during the week.
1-800-BAD TATS: I think there’s a desperate need for a tattoo hotline. Say you have an idea for a tattoo floating around in your head– cockroaches marching across your neck or a swastika on your forehead, for example. You’re just not sure if it’s a good idea or not, so you call the toll-free number to discuss your idea. The phones would be manned by otherwise-unemployable people with face tattoos and other regrettable ink, who’ve been specially trained to talk you down from your bad idea. They could even offer alternative tattoo ideas, such as a small, tasteful blade of grass hidden in your chest hair, or a tiny ladybug on your bee-hind. I see this as a win-win, complete with employment opportunities and a decreased chance that others will have to bear witness to unfortunate skin art.
Isn’t it weird, this need we have to categorize everything? We divide things by border, religion, sexual orientation, political party…The bleeding heart liberal part of me dreams of blurry lines, and “love one another.” When I rule the world, there will be no “us versus them.” Of course, some dumbass will immediately blow us all up.
For a couple of decades now, the Violent Femmes song, “Blister in the Sun” has made me bouncy and cheery every time I hear it. How can a song about some derelict, drugged out guy make me so dileriously happy? Just think about those first few notes at the beginning.
You’re bouncing, aren’t you?
I used my handy dandy tape player to record the license plate of a complete idiot who was tailgating me (once he passed me, on the right, on the shoulder, on the highway). Instead of reporting him, I’ve decided to dedicate my commuter bumper sticker idea of the week to him:
Many people in Dayton talk to themselves. I see it all the time while I’m driving. A few days ago, I drove by this fellow who was yelling and cursing at some invisible being. A week or so ago, we passed a woman who was having a heated conversation with herself while standing at a street corner. I watched her cross at the light and back again a few times, never ceasing to hold up her end of the conversation. I see these monologues going on almost every time I leave the house.
I think about how much I love Tom. The other night, he let me act out my entire morning ritual at the house where I stay while I’m in Columbus. Really. He let me describe the deck, how I counted the trees in the yard (forty-five), the different species of birds I see (numerous), and the sound of the frogs singing in a nearby pond at twilight. He let me go on about the morning sun, my stretching exercises, the two busy anthills whose progress I’m measuring… I adore him. He understands my love of this stuff, and he not only lets me ramble on about it, but he lets me perform it too.
While driving, I reminisced more about Memphis– about this phone number I used to call constantly. The phone number connected children to what was called “Dial and Smile.” An old guy named J.C. Levy, who possessed a kindly southern accent (I pictured him looking like Colonel Sanders), would recite silly poems about the animals at the Memphis Zoo. He’d written hundreds and hundreds of them, so that each time I called, there would be a new poem. At the end of each masterpiece, Mr. Levy would gently say, “Keep dialing and smiling– bye bye now.” Hearing those poems comforted me to no end.
As kids, we got to watch children’s programs hosted by guys with names like Happy Hal and Cap’n Bill. It seemed to me that Cap’n Bill may have had a bit of a drinking problem. He seemed perpetually hungover, and never seemed that fond of the children in his audience. He would chew on a pipe while drawing these terrible pictures with magic markers, then he’d mumble a bit and show some cartoons. I much preferred Happy Hal, an affable sort who had puppets and gave away toys.
There was also Dick Williams, who was not only a local news anchor, but who also hosted what the Guiness Book of World Records says is the longest running magic show in television history, Magicland. It ran from 1966 to 1989. We kids never missed an episode, and we were awestruck when a friend would actually get to appear in the audience on these shows. Mr. Williams lived in my apartment complex when I was a little girl. A few of us knocked on his door one day, and he very nicely did a few little sleight-of-hand tricks for us. I don’t think we ever bothered him after that.
While on the road, I thought about how much I heart The Smoking Gun. I’m a maniac for their photo galleries of mug shots. Sigh…they remind me of our little ‘hood.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the lack of originality in advertising these days. There seems to be some horrible bargain that ad agencies strike with aging rock stars, a pact with the Devil where a commercial now consists of little more than random images of a product with some old classic rock song used as a soundtrack. You can almost hear Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton shouting, “Cha-CHING!” every time they turn on their TVs.
If you are a young person, and you’re reading this, please know that this was not always the case. There used to be actual jingle writers who wrote catchy, original tunes to sell products, and they were so good that many of us old codgers remember them to this day. To me, that’s a component of great advertising.
McDonald’s, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, Oscar Meyer, Cracker Jacks…they all had jingles, and people my age can probably sing them to you note for note. We still remember them, because they were great. Even smoking cigarettes and drinking beer seemed like incredibly life affirming activities, because the jingles were so catchy. Sometimes, they even threw animation in there too, which made it seem like even MORE fun!
Now when I see unimaginative commercials, I want to throw my shoe at the screen, but in the olden days, when hippies ruled the earth, they had great songs like this one:
I think that’s a nice way to end this one. More next week.
kaylee2 said,
May 4, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I LOVE THESE POSTS
kaylee2 said,
May 4, 2008 at 9:42 pm
ANd thank you for that plug moonbeam at least i have had a good week/weeekend for the most part. sorry you arent feeling the best!
I’m glad you liked the post, Kaylee, and glad that your week was good! Loved talking to you last night, and I look forward to talking again after you’ve rested up from your surgery!
Peter Parkour said,
May 5, 2008 at 12:32 am
Thanks for the shout-out
and I’m glad I could be of service. Great post and clips. Thanks to you I’m bouncing, drinking Coke and smoking now. 
You’re welcome (and thank you for yours!)– you have no idea how much I’m enjoying my little tape recorder, although when I played back the part where I was singing “Blister in the Sun,” I got a little nauseous.
CuriousC said,
May 5, 2008 at 7:07 am
Applause, Applause! furious clapping! shouts and joy.
I had no idea that song Blister in the Sun was such a downer story to an upbeat sound.
Wow! Thanks, C!
Yes, like so many good punk songs, it makes the listener want to dance while the band sings about death, destruction, drugs and mayhem.
Red said,
May 5, 2008 at 9:04 am
Oooh, I loooove the ‘Femmes. Saw them several times when I lived out in Cali .. they put on a great show.
I’m so jealous! I’d like to see them before they’re so old that they appear onstage with canes.
trishatruly said,
May 5, 2008 at 3:00 pm
A fabulous blog, as always. I am never disappointed when I see your posts!! They inspire me to want to be a better blogger.
Q.:- why are your energy levels low? Have you not been taking care of yourself?
Trisha
Thanks Trisha! You’re a great blogger– don’t change a thing!
A: Just a rough week, fibromyalgia-wise. I’m fine, but I’ve been a bit wiped out.
Abbe said,
May 5, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Hey MB:
I’m doing a bit of procrastinating at the moment…
I love Blister in the Sun…you should hear the Indigo Girls cover of it…
I agree about hearing aging rock stars in commercials. Who would have ever thought you’d hear Led Zeppelin in a commercial? And then there’s a commercial with Motorhead in it?!?!
I know I’m getting older but the day I hear Free Bird on the oldies station, I’m done!
okay, really…back to work, really, I mean it, seriously
Abbe, I’m so glad that I could aid you in your procrastination! I’ll have to go searching for the Indigo Girls version of the song.
The commercial thing is crazy! The Go Phone commercial with Meatloaf and um…whatsername is my current dislike. They just sort of mangled the lyrics to “Paradise by the Dashboard Light,” and crammed in stuff about Go Phones. In my opinion, it’s really bad, but it’s nice to see that Mr. Loaf has lost so much weight.
joanharvest said,
May 5, 2008 at 5:27 pm
This was a fun post to read. I loved all the old commercials and I remember everyone of them. I love the bumper sticker and want one. I don’t understand Miley Cyrus’ parents for letting her pose like that. She’s so young. I wish you could get teacup kitties. Kitties that would stay tiny forever.
I’ve been on this crazy retro commercial kick lately, trying to see how many I can remember. It’s amazing how many jingles there used to be!
I’ve always thought that toy kitties would be so adorable. I guess they call those gerbils though.
Heather said,
May 5, 2008 at 9:11 pm
MB-I sent you an email. I still haven’t got yours. I don’t know what could have happened to it.
Heather said,
May 5, 2008 at 9:12 pm
OH yeah I mean to say Amy Winehouse/Agnes Moorehead-UNCANNY!!!!! I can’t believe I didn’t see that sooner!!!!
You are a HOOT!!
Soon, Amy will start wearing those long flowing dresses and casting spells on innocent mortals. Maybe she can cast one that will get that crack pipe out of her hand and some meat on her bones!
I resent that address– did you get it?
Kendall said,
May 6, 2008 at 11:32 am
Moonbeam, you’re my star in the blogging sky. I love this. Scary about Amy Winehouse. It’s interesting how many of us think about her, worry about her, care about her. Maybe it’s our inner Amy we’re worried about: the wild, self-destructive, ferociously talented parts of us. We want to stay wild and talented and drop the self-destructive part. But we all know it’s not easy. If she can make it, we say to ourselves, maybe we can too. There are two versions of that fable about the ants and the grasshopper. And so Amy becomes part of our moment, like Janis Joplin was before her, and Anna Magnani and Edith Piaf was before her. And we know how those turned out. Sigh. So I think about the great women artists who are wild, talented, and HEALTHY survivors (even if they’re in recovery, it’s working): like Odetta, Aretha, Vanessa Redgrave, Judi Dench, Jessye Norman, Maggie Smith, Tina Turner, Anna Deavere Smith, Annie Lennox, Ruby Dee, Suzan Lori Parks, Bernice Reagon, Joan Armatrading…. We need them to counter the assumptions that talent = self-destruction. There are so many other great models. Who are your favorites?
Thanks, Kendall! Amy Winehouse IS scary. Maybe one of the things we worry about is that we’ve seen this all play out with others we’ve admired, and we know how tragic the outcome might be. We’re pulling for her because we don’t want her to end up like other wonderfully creative people the world has lost. She also reminds of us destructive friends, family members or, as you said, ourselves. There ARE great examples of people who’ve survived the storms, and the ones you mentioned are great.
I admire so many people, for many different reasons. Some are famous, some aren’t. Some have made it, some haven’t, some survived gracefully and some were very messy. I think that it’s partially a combination of inner foritude combined with being able to stay alive long enough to get your footing. Sometimes it’s just the luck of the draw.
P.S. About your question… I know that Oprah Winfrey overcame many obstacles, Maya Angelou, Augusten Burroughs is hanging tough, Yayoi Kusama still makes fantastic art…I know there are many more, so I’ll keep thinking.
betme said,
May 6, 2008 at 11:44 am
MoonBeam ~ I love that Tom lets you act out your real life scenes.
… and I think Agnes Moorehead at 64 looks much better that Amy Whinehouse.
hehehe… I used to sing the “Buckle Up For Safety” song to my sons when we got in the car. They hurried and put on their seat belts so that I would stop singing.
I love it too. It’s so good share my life with someone who lets me be my goofy self.
Ha! What a great way to get the kids to use seat belts! When I used to sing around my children, they’d threaten to jump out of the car.
Adam said,
May 6, 2008 at 12:24 pm
I grew up watching Ramblin’ Rod, he was a cartoon DJ out of Portland.
Many years later, I met a few people from California who had also watched cartoons with Ramblin’ Rod, but it was a different guy altogether. Then again, commenting on this coincidence to another out-of-area friend, I found out that he’d also watched a different Ramblin’ Rod! It was a conspiracy! The dude’s name probably wasn’t even “Rod”!!!
Sorry… there’s not much relevance here… I guess I just needed to get that off my chest.
All I can think of is that these days, there is no way that there could even be ONE children’s show host named “Ramblin’ Rod.” I believe that a name like that would be a real career killer. “Smiling Willy” would probably be bad too.
My brain is fried, can you tell?
betme said,
May 7, 2008 at 8:10 am
“Smiling Willy” would probably be bad too.
Bwahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa…. Ya think?
thegirlfromtheghetto said,
May 7, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Even though you’ve been busy with work, you’ve out down yourself with this blog. I enjoyed it so much, esp. after the rotten day I’ve had today at work. Thank you for putting a smile on my face that has had tears on it all day long.
BYW, just go get the teacup pup. You need a little buddy to love. Since you are working now, you have a little more money, you deserve it!
kaylee2 said,
May 7, 2008 at 5:55 pm
You having a better week?
Bradley said,
May 8, 2008 at 12:19 am
The Amy Winehouse/Endora comparison is hysterical. I can’t believe I never saw it.
Your cigarette commercial reminded me of a couple my all time favorites. Take a look at a couple of ones that aired during the Flintstones:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=5ZRxBtZLeUY
http://youtube.com/watch?v=sazLTY_UP88
kaylee2 said,
May 8, 2008 at 5:42 pm
hope you are ok?
romi41 said,
May 8, 2008 at 6:52 pm
I hope you’re feeling better soon, and I have to say, your Tom fella is such a dear, you two have got something really special goin’ don’t ya
PS: Do they let Amy Winehouse around children? I can only imagine that she would frighten them…maybe they should use her as a bad-behaviour-detterent at children’s correctional facilities….
David said,
May 9, 2008 at 6:00 am
GOD I have missed it here moonbeam
The weeks just fly by this time of year.
Thanks for reprise-ing this wonderful stream o’consciousness theme. I love this post. I’m going to read it again as soon as I can.
Winehouse and Endora!! YES. NO. UGGGH!
I SO remember that commercial. Back when seat belts were optional and people smoked and drank and drove like crazy, spewing their lead-filled exhaust into the sky. Those were the days! Living in fear of nuclear annihilation … fantastic! New soft drinks, breakfast cereals, and cartoons every month. I could go on and on, but I have to get to work now.
bosquechica said,
May 9, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Wow!! Wow!! I need a jingle!! I need a coke and a cigarette!! I need a computer bumpersticker of the week……………I WILL buckle up – I WILL. Hey, and I sing all the time while I’m driving around. Little friendly tunes about whatever I’m thinking about (I sing with my kids a lot, gets them more engaged). Last week, I was listening to some heinous right-wing blowhard going off on the radio, but I was serene and relaxed. I turned it off and started singing a nice little tune to myself. Then I realized I was actually singing (melodiously) the words “filthy rat bastards, filthy rat bastards”, which is when I decided I need a break from the radio and now I’m going back to audio books.
So this post is utterly fabulous and I feel cool and refreshed now. Thank you!!
Little Miss said,
May 9, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Your streams of consciousness posts are great! Love them. Love every point here. Oh, and about envisioning abundance for yourself – here’s my take on that. I think it’s a good thing and I believe in the ripple effect. That is, if you have abundance, you spend money, you somehow make a job for someone, who can then spend money, and somehow it does get to charity and those in need. I’m doing a very bad job of explaining this, but I bet you know what I mean… somehow it filters out to those who need it and being successful and having abundance means you help the economy keep going. For example, by having money last year to spend on new floors, I employed several people from isntallers to people at the big-box home improvement store. See? It’s a good thing.
And my little puppy cost me $500 from a vet out here and that included all her first year shots and physicals. She’s probably five pounds, so that’s about $100 a pound, give or take. And if she weighs more, then she’s cheaper. And if you find a good mate for Lily, your doggie will be FREE. As in Zero dollars per pound – just for you. Promise….
Hope you are feeling better. Sorry I’m so late commenting on your post.
Peter Parkour said,
May 10, 2008 at 12:11 am
I hope you are having a great weekend and a very Merry Mother’s Day.
Take Care, Moonbeam.
Red said,
May 10, 2008 at 10:31 am
Hey hey precious Mama! Just wanted to pop in and tell ya that I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day. Take care