I Don’t Even Know What to Call This One
Note: This is not a funny post, nor is it a particularly well written one. This, for the moment, is purely therapeutic.
I should step away from my blog right now. I am probably going to regret telling you this, and may in the end delete it. But for right now, I’m so upset that I’ve got to get it out of my system.
As you know from a couple of posts back, I’ve been having a bit of a rough time adjusting to life in the hood. I’ve been collecting nice little uplifting stories to share with you about some positive things that go on here, but these don’t come nearly often enough, so I have to gather them up like lucky pennies that I find on the street from time to time, and cash them in all at once.
It gets hard though. Today, Tom and I ventured out for a while on this gray and chilly day to run some errands. We first stopped at a fast-food joint, and as we waited in the drive-thru line, the guy in front of us had his engine adjusted so that it roared and revved at these sonic blast, three-second intervals. Maybe he didn’t have it adjusted that way, perhaps it was a malfunction, but it was so rhythmic– like an enormous boom box with a bass booster under his hood. We had to wait quite a while in drive-thru minutes, and by the time it was our turn, I was nearly wiped out from the audial assault.
It’s not that incident itself that affected me so much– it’s one harshness piled on top of another, on top of another, like a Jenga tower. I’m normally good at shutting out unpleasantness (in fact, I’ve kind of honed it to an art form), but I am becoming less so. My little tower has been toppling a lot more easily these days, in part because the urban craziness is so constant. I’m always trying to block out scenery or sounds, and for some reason, these days it’s getting to me. Life’s a big rough right now, kids.
When we got home, I took a nap, because my body was not being very kind to me, and when I woke up, Tom wanted me to walk down to the store at the end of our street with him. I was feeling a lot better. It was getting dark, the sky was a beautiful twilight blue, and the street was quiet.
As we neared the intersection, who did we see but our little friend Ollie, accompanying his mother to the store. He didn’t see me until we were all inside, then he hugged me tightly, and showed me his latest injury, a big scratch he’d gotten on his chubby belly from playing tag.
His mother was in really bad shape. She appeared to be quite drugged and dazed. As we walked home, I asked Tom if he thought it was crack, but he said he didn’t know.
As we crossed the intersection and got to our street, a police car came around the corner, lights flashing. Two officers got out of their car, and the female asked to see our ID. We stood there shocked for a moment.
“Have we done something wrong?,” Tom asked nicely.
She assured him we had not. “We’re just checking.”
I was not feeling nice. I was feeling invaded.
“Can you do that?” I asked her. “Can you just stop people on the street and make them show you their ID?” She told me that not only could they, but that they did it all the time.
She challenged me. “What’s wrong with it?”
“I don’t know,” I answered. “It just feels a little Nazi Germany when you stop random citizens on the street for no reason and make them show you their ID.”
Let me tell you that we do not look like hoods. We were dressed decently, I had make up on– hell, I even styled my hair this morning, as rare an event as an eclipse. We weren’t bobbing or weaving or being loud. We weren’t wearing bunny slippers or ammo belts or talking to trees. We were just an average couple quietly walking home.
We handed her our IDs, and as they sat in their car and checked them, I mentioned things to Tom like constitutionality, the fact that we’ve got to move out of this place, and my blog. “Can they even do this?” I asked him. “I’m looking it up on the Internet.” It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so violated, and it takes an awful lot for me to put aside my southern manners, but it was another straw that’s breaking my back while we’re living here. I’m still shaking.
She handed us back the cards, and said again that she didn’t know why I had such a hard time with this. I asked her how she would feel if the shoe were on the other foot, and she replied, “It wouldn’t bother me at all if I hadn’t done anything wrong.”
She asked if we’d notice anything unusual in the neighborhood (I said, “Yeah, people are stealing pieces of our house,” but she ignored me), and it became apparent that there wasn’t anyone or anything in particular that she was looking for. She said that they’d never noticed us around here before, and Tom told her he’d lived on this street for seventeen years.
She reiterated that they stop people all the time, and that the only ones who seemed to be bothered by it were the ones who hadn’t done anything wrong. She repeated that she didn’t know why it offended me so much.
I know that when something’s wrong, I call the police. When I thought Father B was in trouble, I had no problem dialing 9-1-1. When stuff started disappearing from our property, I had no trouble asking them to do a little extra patrolling. I’m just telling you this so you’ll know that I’m not a “Down with authority, man!” anarchist. But this just seemed crazy, like some weird line had been crossed.
People were looking out of their windows, and as she and Tom spoke for a minute, I realized what was bothering me most.
“You know,” I told her. “There’s a little boy who comes to our house sometimes. I feed him cake and cookies and we talk. His dad just got out of prison, and his mom’s on something, and we try to be his friends. And he just walked by and saw you stop us.”
“C’mon,” she said to her partner. “I don’t want to listen to this anymore.” And away they drove.
kaylee said,
March 28, 2008 at 9:20 pm
nice post
I am lonely 
Little Miss said,
March 28, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Oh, MB. I would feel violated too. Even the cops are desensitized to all the craziness. There’s something completely and insanely backward about them stopping NORMAL people with all the druggies and crazies around. It must be that for them, you look ABnormal. And the officer’s guilt must have been kicking her ass when she walked off ignoring your concern about the little boy seeing you and Tom be stopped by the police. Talk about screwing up that kid’s idea of what is right and what is wrong. She’s clueless and stupid and cowardly. When challenged, she just hid behind her authority instead of being human and apologizing. I wish there was a way to change that malfunction of society, but I’m powerless to know what it is. But I do sympathize with you, and understand.
moonbeammcqueen said,
March 28, 2008 at 10:00 pm
@ kaylee: Give me a little while to calm down from this and I’ll be over to talk for a few minutes. My fibromyalgia’s giving me a bit of problems at the moment, so I won’t be able to talk long, but we can chat for a LOOONG time tomorrow.
@ LM: It was horrible. It was so bizarre– she was realllly pushing me. This town is really getting to me. I’m just not used to it, and I hope to God I never do get used to it.
Poor Ollie is going to have such a screwed up idea of life. I wonder if his mother will let him come back over. Maybe she was too cracked out to notice.
Thanks so much for letting me vent.
kaylee2 said,
March 28, 2008 at 10:06 pm
i am sorry
okay 
moonbeammcqueen said,
March 28, 2008 at 10:41 pm
@ kaylee: Don’t you DARE apologize!
I’m on my way over.
The Vinyl Villager said,
March 28, 2008 at 11:36 pm
how awful…
that doesnt even sound legal to me.
Adam said,
March 29, 2008 at 1:43 am
What an infuriating experience. Unfortunately, this sort of “lightly-imposing-on-your-liberty” is all too acceptable these days. It’s questionable as to whether they can demand to investigate you on scene without cause and without you having the right to refuse, but that depends on your local and state laws. Officers at the police department I work for sometimes conduct these “Field Interviews”, but there has to be suspicious premises for them to justify the stop.
Even if the officers were within their duties, it seems like a better way of canvassing the neighborhood would be to simply get out and start talking to people… as in, actual conversation. I’m sure you or some of your neighbors would happily point them in the right direction to serve some justice.
Bad neighborhoods can’t get better until the good people living there can take the lead, it seems so ridiculous that even the protectors of our society are harassing the good people into never leaving their houses.
Lumpy said,
March 29, 2008 at 3:12 am
That’s a load of b.s. I’d freak out if I hadn’t done anything wrong. Since when is walking a crime? That seems rather sketchy to me. I’m sitting here trying to put myself in your shoes – as if the husband and I were out for a walk in town and some officers asked for our i.d….. We’d probably both end up in jail…. seriously. We are spastic like that.
cantueso said,
March 29, 2008 at 5:22 am
When the police officer asked you whether you had noticed anything unusual in the neighbourhood, you should have told her yes, the police checking citizens’ IDs.
(Here in Spain it is obligatory to carry identification always. In Switzerland nobody even has any.)
Abbe said,
March 29, 2008 at 7:26 am
Hey MB: Welcome to the police state of George W. and the “Patriot” Act. This is what happens when the government feeds the population fear instead of hope.
An interesting side note, this happens to black folks all the time, except they are usually thrown to the ground or against a wall and searched as well. And it happened before “W” started his fear mongering.
Of course, there is no excuse for this police action ever. I think you did the right thing by questioning their motives. It is sad that “to serve and protect” has nearly turned into “to intimidate and harass”.
I’m sorry that you had to go through this…I wish our world, or at least, our country, your state, your city, was a safe place where walking down the street was not suspicious action.
Peace, really
Abbe
moonbeammcqueen said,
March 29, 2008 at 9:27 am
@ The Vinyl Villager (gosh I love that name): It doesn’t to me either.
@ Adam: Tom and I were discussing just that. I could see it if we were doing anything strange or suspicious, but we weren’t. Maybe that fact alone makes us suspect in this neighborhood.
I agree that getting out and mingling and just having a presence in the neighborhood would have a much better effect, but then they couldn’t screech their tires or flash their lights or do other cool stuff like that.
You’re right, I’m at the point where I won’t leave this house again, unless it’s to get into my car and drive to another area of town. But walks in the neighborhood? Nahhh.
@ Lumpy: I love your kind of spastic. That’s how it felt to me at that moment– as though it suddenly became a choice of handing over our IDs or going to jail.
@ cantueso: Maybe we should move to Switzerland.
It is weird that I happened to have ID on me. I had put my driver’s license in my pocket earlier in the day because I didn’t want to carry a purse. I should have told the police officer lady that I didn’t have any ID on me, but I wasn’t thinking.
@ Abbe: You’re right that this isn’t an unusual occurrence for black people. One of the things that was going through my head last night was “well, at least they aren’t guilty of racial profiling.”
One of the things that gets me most is that all of the crap that goes on around here really stifles my pie-in-the-sky idealism. I can see how, with time, it sucks the life out of people. I used to try to come up with things I could do to help make it better– now I just want to get OUT of here!
Wendy said,
March 29, 2008 at 10:12 am
I think this incident is really odd and the police officer incredibly insensitive. Perhaps they have to become desensitized, but still, you were obviously sober as a judge so she had no reason to cop such an attitude. (unintended pun)
If this helps, and it won’t, but when I was a police reporter for the newspaper on Cape Cod, a cop told me that whenever they saw a car driving the speed limit and obeying all traffic laws it set off a red flag and they immediatley began following it and running the plates. He said that “bad people” have something to hide, they go out of their way to appear law abiding. I’m wondering if in a neighborhood such as yours, you and Tom are the freaks and the cops wondering what you’re hiding.
Your cops sound particularly antagonistic, as if they’re looking for a fight. If you recall, when I got pulled over for absent-mindedly driving through a red light a few months ago (and was wearing my pajamas), the cops couldn’t have been nicer. They asked me a few questions (Was I tired? Why was I wearing pajamas?) and then told me to be more careful next time. It sounds like your cops have a real attitude problem and normal people make them nervous. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
thebeadden said,
March 29, 2008 at 11:23 am
(((((((((((((((Moonbeam)))))))))))))))))))))) I won’t be around for a bit, family stuff, I hope you don’t mind if I e-mail you when I get back. Please take care. Tell Kaylee I’m almost finished her necklace. (((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))
moonbeammcqueen said,
March 29, 2008 at 12:29 pm
@ Wendy: It was bizarre. We aren’t drinkers (although a bottle of Glenlivet in the cabinet would make me happy at this point), we aren’t druggers, we weren’t rolling around in the street fighting (as many romantic couples tend to do around here). So maybe you’re right– maybe our normalcy makes us oddballs.
After this happened, I asked Tom, “Was it my imagination, or was she being antagonistic toward me?” He said no, she was really trying to push my buttons, and she certainly did.
I think I’m spoiled, because like you, I’ve never even gotten a traffic ticket. I’ve been stopped a few times, but usually I start crying, which has always just resulted in a gentle lecture about being more careful in the future. I’ve never had bad dealings with the police until this one, and I guess it’s just a part of where I’m living.
@ ((((((BD)))))): I look forward to that e-mail. Good luck with the family stuff, and I’ll give Kaylee your message.
David said,
March 29, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Cops don’t usually need a lot of education or sensitivity training to do their jobs, which are extremely well defined. The fact that the cop was so bothered by your reaction is actually a hopeful sign, even though she finished the exchange poorly. What a horrible job, to be a city cop! I’d rather be a garbageman. I’m not excusing her insensitivity, but did you ever think that the fact that you were dressed presentably actually made you stand out?
Anyway, you did a very nice job venting this all out and I hope you feel better. 17 years! Wow. How long has the neighborhood been in such decay?
Brian said,
March 29, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I’ve always lived under the assumption that the guy carrying the gun can do pretty much whatever he wants to. They never worry about the legality of an issue until they have to, and then they get reprimanded by being sent home WITH pay. Some punishment, eh?
Anyway, as far as stopping people and asking for ID, you can actually be arrested for refusing to show proper identification. You’re right… it does feel like Nazi Germany sometimes.
Red said,
March 29, 2008 at 5:01 pm
You call the cops when something is wrong, yes? DId you call them and complain about this particular woman that didnt seem to give a rat’s ass about what you were saying about the neighborhood .. and her only response is that she couldnt understand why you/Tom were offended? Seems to me she’s in the wrong ..
I’ve never been stopped so I cant say that I completely understand what you went through, because I havent. Im sorry you had to go through that and although it was quite offensive and wrong, im sure it was embarrassing and frustrating and hurtful. I hope it doesnt happen to you again, I do hope that you guys can get out of there. I’ll keep you guys in my prayers.
moonbeammcqueen said,
March 29, 2008 at 11:39 pm
@ David: Yeah, I think they missed class on Sensitivity Training day. Yeah, after reading some of the comments here, it seems that there’s a good chance that we were singled out because we were too “normal.”
I don’t know how long the neighborhood’s been deteriorating. It’s been a gradual thing. Thousands of jobs have been eliminated, and unemployment’s outrageous, so it’s just kind of caused a lot of crumble.
@ Brian: I’m curious as to what would have happened if we’d said we didn’t have any ID.
@ Red: Believe me, if I called to complain, not only would they not do anything (besides laugh really hard), but I feel that there might even be some retaliation.
It was embarrassing and frustrating. I swear, we must have looked like Rob and Laura Petrie getting busted or something.
I’m letting it go, but I appreciate all of you letting me vent.
thegirlfromtheghetto said,
March 30, 2008 at 1:50 am
Not that I want to upset you further or make anyone who reads this mad, but cops really do do this all the time. You would be amazed if I told you that this was how murderers were just caught in a city nearby me. They literally pulled over someone for no reason other than they looked out of place, and yep, they had a bloody gun and bloody clothes on and everything. It’s not something cops advertise, but they do this to people who look out of place. And since you two were out, dressed normally, and in the hood they thought that they were maybe going to catch someone buying drugs or with an outstanding warrant. Even still, it would bother me too, even though I know all of this already. I’m sorry it happened to you!
Maxine said,
March 30, 2008 at 5:57 am
My Dearest Moonbeam:
A. They stopped you because you were well-dressed white people wandering around in the hood, which indicates to any police officer worth his or her salt that you were either lost or looking for drugs.
B. It’s totally legal, but it’s also legal to tell them to get fucked, after which it’s also legal for them to arrest you for obstructing justice.
C. You and Tom must have balls of steel. I wouldn’t walk to the store at the end of our street with all four of my dogs and my entire arsenal. I wouldn’t make it one block.
D. Urban living is going to be the death of you and me.
E. Try not to get too angry. If you DO get angry, express it. Yell. Throw shit. Make sure the neighbors and po-po think you’re batshit crazy and NOT to be fucked with. I find it helps a lot.
F. Hang in there, baby. This will all make sense some day.
joanharvest said,
March 30, 2008 at 10:17 am
I don’t even know how to react with this post. My first feeling is anger, then sadness and then my feelings get all mixed up from there. I know I would have whacked their car with my cane “by mistake”. I would have pretended to fall into it then dented it with my weapon cane. I would really have had a tough time keeping my mouth shut and not calling her a bitch. I can’t even imagine how you must feel living in an area where things like that can happen. I just feel she could have been more understanding of your feelings.
trishatruly said,
March 30, 2008 at 6:45 pm
That just sucks, moonbeam! But as my friend Mandy always tells me “Put it in your memoirs, baby!”
To paraphrase a great philospher ” All our life’s experiences are intended to help us along in the evolution of our souls’ or something like that. Anyway, maybe this was another event that will trigger you and the family getting out of that neighborhood. Ollie will surely miss you if you go though.
Great post, friend. I felt your anger and pain and hope life gets easier for you all.
moonbeammcqueen said,
March 30, 2008 at 8:34 pm
@ Ghetto Girl: Oh my god. Thanks for telling me this. I don’t think I’ll be taking any strolls in the hood anytime soon.
@ Maxine: A: I’m getting the idea that lookin’ good in the hood is not a great idea.
B: I don’t think I’ll be doing this. I don’t want to end up starring in the next Rodney King-like video.
C: I think we have balls of cotton.
D: Oh Maxine, aren’t there any instructional videos for people like us?
E: I’m working on my lunatic impersonation. I think it will come in handy in the future.
F: I hope so. (((Thank you so much.)))
@ Joan: Can I borrow your cane? She was such a loon. Hostile and aggressive as can be. I can only imagine how they’d have treated us if we HAD done something wrong.
@ trisha: By now, my soul should be right up there with Buddha’s. I’m sure it’ll go into my memoirs, along with about 13,000 pages of other craziness.The story just gets better and better!
I’ll miss Ollie too. Maybe I can put him in my pocket and take him with us. And thank you so much. It will get easier.
Lucky said,
March 30, 2008 at 9:49 pm
That’s crap. I would have felt the same way. And to make matters worse, she was going out of her way to be a bitch. I especially like that she implied you might have done something wrong since you seem to have a problem with it. Can we say power trip? I hate cops like that.
moonbeammcqueen said,
March 31, 2008 at 11:28 am
@ Lucky: My sentiments exactly!
My Third-Rate Estate « Moonbeam McQueen said,
April 1, 2008 at 5:43 am
[...] last will and testament, mothers, ring-necked pheasant, shoehorn, tuna strainer, wills) All of the recent scariness in our neighborhood has gotten me thinking about my mortality. That, and the giant Death Star and the bad Chinese food [...]
Commuterama « Moonbeam McQueen said,
April 28, 2008 at 8:37 pm
[...] been worrying about the fact that Ollie hasn’t been by to visit us since the incident with the police, which is what I was afraid would happen. It makes me quite sad. When I’m through with this [...]