Inking of You
I knew my daughter was getting a tattoo. She’s been talking about it for quite some time now, and although I figured she’d probably do it eventually, I was hoping that she’d wait until she was older. Like seventy-three or so.
In my opinion, the best time to get a tattoo is during middle age. You start getting set in your ways, so if you’re a big fan of tater tots at forty-five, by God, you’re going to be a tater tot fan until the day you die. If you opt to get a portrait of a container of them plastered on your bootie, it’s doubtful you’ll regret the decision. Besides, you don’t have that long to live anyway, so there’s less time for regret.
Also, middle-age spread will have set in by this point, and your body starts looking pretty pitiful anyway, so what’s the difference? In fact, you can probably cover a multitude of sins with some strategically placed ink. At the rate mine’s degenerating, I may one day get an entire quilt tattooed over my entire body.
About twenty years ago, I was forced to hire this incredibly ditzy young woman by one of my superiors, with whom she was having a torrid affair. Remember when Prince quit using his name, and started being a symbol instead? The ditz came to work one day bragging about how she’d had that symbol tattooed on one of her extremely large breasts. Fast forward to the twenty-first century. Prince is Prince once again, and that tattoo is probably hanging down to the woman’s dimpled knees. If she’d waited until now to get inked, her breast would probably say, “Prince!” and she could either have it directly tattooed onto her knee, or tastefully applied wherever she wanted, without fear of stretchage. Yes, I just made up the word “stretchage.”
Anyway, my daughter called the other day and told me that she was driving to Missouri to have this tattoo thing done. I questioned her– what was it going to be of (a Red-winged Blackbird)? Did she know about this tattoo artist and his work (yes, his reputation is impeccable)? Where would the art be located (her shoulder blade)? How big would it be? This is when I started to freak out a little.
“About six inches,” she told me.
“SIX INCHES? Your entire shoulder blade isn’t six inches– it’ll cover half your body!” She admitted that this was true, and promised that she’d make sure it was a little smaller.
I knew better than to try to talk her out of it, so I tried to talk sense into her. I told her that I wished she’d wait a while. I told her how tastes, ideas, and personalities change dramatically over the years. Blah, blah, blah. Insert more useless parent-speak here. These things no longer matter when it comes to getting inked. Gone are the regrets over youthful mistakes. The tattoo is a time stamp– a page in your scrapbook that reminds you of a specific period of life. Besides, you can always get it covered with something else later.
What I really wanted her to consider was the following: Where is your head right now? Are you in a good place? Are you happy? Do you feel at all mentally unbalanced? Have you been drinking? Are you trying to make yourself feel better after a crisis? A sort of “no regrets” check list.
And what about the placement of this objet d’art? I was browsing pictures of tattoos last night, and came across the blog of a free-spirited woman who calls herself “Naked Jen” (because she likes to be nekkid) who decided to have a gigantic beet tattooed across her entire back. A beet. Her mother asked her why she didn’t just buy a painting of a beet and hang it on her wall where she could see it, which makes sense to me. Unless you’re walking around with a rear-view mirror attached to your forehead, you aren’t really going to be able to enjoy the visuals of a back tattoo. But I doubt that Jen will ever regret that beet, or that my daughter will ever regret hers.
My ex-husband gave our daughter his blessing, as he does with everything. In his mind, his hands have been permanently tied since the kids were born. “You wanna drive race cars at 200 m.p.h. without a helmet? Well… I think it’s a bad idea, but what can I do? You just go right ahead, honey.” His feeling has always been that they’re going to do whatever it is that they want to anyway, so why veto anything? If one of the kids had asked for a Big Bird tattoo at age six, he would’ve okayed it. My daughter really likes his theory of child-rearing, and tends to take full advantage of it.
I told her to call me when it was all over, and she did. She phoned from outside the tattoo parlor, shivering in the cold in the little tube top that she’d had to wear to stay modest while having the procedure done. She was hurting, bleeding, and shaking. She sounded happy and dazed, as though she couldn’t believe that she’d actually gone through with it. She said that the tattoo was larger than she’d planned; it had to be, to show the detail. Gulp. I talked to the friend that went with her, and quizzed him a bit. He said that it looked really great, but I wasn’t convinced, as he has a smoking skeleton holding a martini glass on his calf.
I was as dazed as she was. I kept picturing her like this:
and imagining a huge blackbird tattoo, as large as a California Condor covering one of those tiny little shoulders.
We spoke again the following day, and she was hurting like crazy. She put me on speaker phone with two of her other friends, who both reported that the tattoo looked great, but what were they going to say? I needed proof.
“Please, please someone take a picture and e-mail it to me, okay?” They promised that they would, but a photo has yet to appear in my “in” box.
This is the part that drives me crazy. See, I have a very overactive imagination, and until I actually witness what this thing looks like, my mind is going to race and hallucinate and imagine horrible things . 
Worst of all: what if she decides to start wearing pastels? Her back is red and black now. She’ll always clash.
I called my son, and asked him what he thought about it.
“Well, I’m not a tattoo fan,” he said, “but as far as tattoos go, it’s really nice.” He told me that it was about the size of an index card, and could easily be covered by a shirt.
“Don’t worry Mom,” he reassured me. “She’s not doomed to only being able to find work at a Seven-Eleven yet.”
Yet. Oh my God.
I know that this is all just another right of passage for me as a mother, and I’ll soon adjust. The reality of it is that she could have a Thomas Hart Benton mural plastered across her body, and I’d still think she was beautiful.
Sigh…my little Red-wing Blackbird. Gotta let her fly.
A gallery of really bad tattoos.
Another gallery of really, really bad tattoos (this one’s my favorite).
Note to parents: Don’t try this hyperactive imagination-fueled obsessive worrying thing at home. I’m a trained professional. Oh wait…so are you. Never mind.
Note to tattooed people: Please understand that this fretting is a temporary condition. I have nothing against anything that you personally have decided to do to your bodies. In fact, I’d probably like all of your piercings, inkings, and postage stampings if I saw them (except you, guy with the gopher on your forehead). I’m just getting this all out of my system, and will soon be just fine with all of it.
sanderlou said,
December 31, 2007 at 2:15 pm
I totally get you.
My daughter’s first tattoo was probably five inches both ways, abstract red and black, and smack in the middle of both shoulder blades, below her neck. I thought it would be small too. What was worse was that MY mother LOVED it. I’m used to it now. She now has a total of five large tattoos on her, including a voluptuous devil girl on one shoulder blade and a voluptous angel girl on the other. But I guess she made up for it with the Mom tattoo with the purple rose (I love purple roses) on her right inside forearm.
zombie z said,
December 31, 2007 at 2:46 pm
As a kid with tattoos…CALM DOWN!!
I had been wanting tattoos since I was 12, and my most visible one was planned about since that time (I am now 19). My first tattoo was a bit impulsive, though, and I called my mother at the half-way done smoke-break (the artist’s, not mine) and said “Guess what I’m doing right now!” I figured it was too late for her guilt-tripping to keep me from doing something I really wanted to. Yes, she freaked out, and she freaked out when I got my second one (on the front of my arm, just above the elbow). By the time I got my third, she was a bit more enthusiastic.
Coincidentally, my most-visible tattoo is of a goldfinch, and I plan on getting more bird tattoos. I love birds as symbols.
So I hope you do get a picture of your daughter’s — I want to see it!
And…I think the idea that “most people” regret their tattoos is just a myth. I think that the MAJORITY of people with tattoos make intelligent decisions when they get them; only a smal percentage are drunk or high or otherwise just stupid (my stepmother had some weird tiny bee thing on her breast; it was badly done, and that plus age plus weight gain made it impossible to even tell what was happening). I don’t think I could ever regret my tattoos — they are a part of me, after all, and they are meaningful to me.
Bug Girl said,
December 31, 2007 at 3:33 pm
in the US, anyway, it isn’t legal for a kid under 18 to get a tat w/out parent’s permission.
Bug, who got her first tattoo to celebrate her PhD. I’m with you on the choose when you know what you’re doing thing.
Wendy said,
December 31, 2007 at 3:50 pm
I actually liked the beet tattoo on Naked Jen, though it will look much better when she gets it colored in. But what was that sore just above the crack in her butt? That was disturbing.
On your favorite bad tattoo site, the Michael Jackson-as-pedophile tattoo was the worst. What was that guy thinking?
When it comes to tattoos I think birds are a rather interesting choice. A botanical print would be good, too. They’re timeless. Your daughter’s blackbird and Zombie’s goldfinch both sound intriguing.
zombie z said,
December 31, 2007 at 4:20 pm
My bird, though not the greatest picture of it.
The yellow bird symbolizes safety, and the roses are for my grandparents (Texans) who both died in the last few years. I want to get a bluebird on the other arm (happiness), though I haven’t decided what flowers to put with it yet.
zombie z said,
December 31, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Oops…guess posting images is not allowed in comments.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v60/raineyday/birdtattoo.jpg
Copy/paste to see my bird.
moonbeammcqueen said,
December 31, 2007 at 4:38 pm
@ sanderlou: My mother’s the same way. She’s so much cooler than I am. Of course, if it was ME having the tattoo, she’d be freaking out. It sounds like your daughter likes the retro tattoos, which I think look pretty cool. And the roses are so sweet!
@ zombie z: I LOVED your comments. Okay, I’m calming down a little, but I want to SEE this thing. And your story about your stepmother’s bee tattoo made me laugh out loud. That’s exactly what I was talking about! I’m hoping that when my daughter gets older, she doesn’t have any back fat, otherwise that blackbird could morph into something totally different!
I’m so glad to hear that your tattoos hold such meaning for you. Your goldfinch is beautiful, and so is the sentiment behind it.
@ Bug Girl: Yep! And her dad gave it. Congratulations on the PhD!
@ Wendy: I think the beet is going to be cool looking. It definitely makes a statement! I browsed her blog, hoping to find an updated picture, but there’s not one. And I don’t know what the orange thing is.
As for the Michael Jackson pedophilia tattoo— can you imagine????
When it comes to tattoos, I agree– flora and fauna are pretty designs.
David said,
December 31, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Ahhh moonbeam, another wonderfully thoughtful post to read on New Year’s Eve day, after I’ve finished blowing today’s 6 inches (another 5-10 due tomorrow night) of sticky snow away. Your witty writing is matched only by your thoughtful mind (not hyperactive imagination-fueled obsessive worrying at all) which considers so many angles. You always seem to come to the best conclusion too, in spite of the agonizing. My daughter has friends with tattoos, and her fiance has a big Chevy logo on his right arm (he likes all things Chevy), but she has never wanted one (to my knowledge). It wouldn’t be a probem now, but I’m sure that her mother and I would have felt quite differently about it if she had wanted one back in high school. We’re lucky to have a pretty level-headed girl.
And as the afternoon pushes on into the evening, my mind is now full of images of various bad tattoos, Prince logos on giant droopy boobs, that damned Naked Jen (sheesh!!), and I’m wondering how a martini holding smoking skeleton would look on one of my calves. Probably not as I pretty much have chicken legs.
David said,
December 31, 2007 at 4:53 pm
I’m sure your daughter’s little birdie will be adorable once it heals up.
Little Miss said,
December 31, 2007 at 7:11 pm
MB – in case you didn’t recognize me, Sanderlou was me. I was posting from my daughter’s computer and forgot to log in as myself.
writerchick said,
December 31, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Oh my God, Queenie, you are hysterical. There was so much in this that made me laugh I can’t even begin to itemize them. I hope you get to see the blackbird soon, lest you end up in the emergency room hyperventilating and preaching to goth children waiting for treatment.
WC
moonbeammcqueen said,
December 31, 2007 at 8:47 pm
@ David: Sweet comments! And I’m glad all of this imagery is keeping your mind occupied while your blowing snow. That sounded weird. On one of those bad tattoo websites there’s a section about people who endorse brands and products on their bodies– one woman got $10,000 to advertise a casino’s website on her forehead. Maybe your future son-law could cut a deal with Chevy!
And I’m sure the little birdie will look just wonderful. Sigh…I need a picture.
@ LM: I’m starting view you as multiple personalities! I completely forgot that you’re sanderlou, so thanks for the reminder! P.S. Your e-mail thinks I’m a spammer.
@ WC: Welcome to my world! I’m glad SOMEONE is getting a laugh out of this painful, painful tragedy. I kind of like the idea of preaching to the goths, but they always seem so much more on the ball than I am (underneath the tattoos). It would probably be a wasted effort. Maybe they could start doing counseling sessions with me. I could use the reassurance.
Renée said,
December 31, 2007 at 10:28 pm
Oh, honey, your McNugget-size brain is so entertaining! I swear, if you had a normal-sized brain, I would die of laughter overload. Quick question: is anyone else thinking of Abby Normal from Young Frankenstein? Nope? Just me? Carry on then. If you have a McNugget, I must have, dunno, a single Raisinet. Or an M&M. Or possibly JuJuBee. (notice they’re all candy).
I loved the galleries of bad tattoos. There were some humdingers. If getting a birdie done on your shoulder is painful, how about getting your entire, shall we say, privates done? How high would you have to be for that? Never mind, donwannano.
If my kid got a tatt, your freakout would pale in comparison. You are a model of rectitude. I’d go fucking insane. Kudos to you for remaining coherent. That said, I’m sure your daughter will be fine. It sounds like the tattoo she chose is not at all a candidate for the bad tattoo gallery, in fact it sounds attractive. It’s not in a totally revealing place – it can easily be covered up for a job interview, for example. And the pain will go away soon, provided she puts some Neosporin-type stuff on it.
Hang in there honey. {{{hugs}}}
Wendy said,
January 1, 2008 at 1:44 am
I like your finch, zombie z. It’s unusual but tasteful, and the sentiment is very nice. Thanks for posting it for us!
moonbeammcqueen said,
January 1, 2008 at 1:15 pm
@ Renee: I keep laughing about the Raisinet-sized brain comment. It could be worse– I’ve known people whose brains were probably the size of a Tic Tac.
Can you believe some of those tattoos???? As for the geniatlia tats, I can’t even go there– the jokes and the imagery that come to mind are just too overwhelming.
I know it could have been worse with my daughter. I’m hoping that this is her only one, but we’ll see. In one breath, she said that it was so painful that she couldn’t understand how people could undergo getting so many tattoos; in the next breath she said she couldn’t wait to get another.
This too shall pass. (((((Hugs)))) back to you!
cantueso said,
January 1, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I think I read ads in an American paper and it gave the price you pay to remove a tattoo and I thought that in the US the fad was already over. Children and young people are a simple market.
How doth the little crocodile
improve his shining tail?
And pour the waters of the Nile
on every golden scale?
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
how neatly spreads his claws)
And welcomes little fishes in
with gently smiling jaws.
Wendy said,
January 1, 2008 at 5:11 pm
.
romi41 said,
January 1, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Oh my gosh! You do such a good job of injecting your mom-worries into your writing (seriously, I felt like the mom of the giant peanut-butter cookie I was eating whilst reading this (and then quickly soon after I finished the cookie, and subsequently felt like a cannibal-mom…oops
)
So listen, I LAUGHED MY ARSE off at your new term of “stretchage”, and how that trampy little thing could’ve gotten the same tattoo on her knee if she did it all over again (HA! Damn gravity…LOL…)
And it’s SO funny, ’cause as soon as you said “red and black”, I too thought about the outfit-coordination issues
Well any-hoo, from what I hear a blackbird tattoo the size of an index card will probably look rather neat and tasteful, so hopefully you get the pic in your inbox soon to confirm it!!
Emily said,
January 2, 2008 at 2:19 pm
As a young daughter with piercings and a new tattoo (last week), it’s surprisingly funny to read another mother’s reactions.
I’ve been bothering my parents about tattoos since I was about twelve. Finally got a professional one done last Friday, of a yucca plant on the back of my right calf, and absolutely love it. My dad, usually the more traditional and/or old-fashioned of my parents, also loves it.
My mom is shocked at the size (and of course, permanence), but approves of the quality and picture itself (big admission!) and will undoubtedly warm up to it.
I also hope you post a picture of your daughter’s bird once you get one, and look forward to reading your final reactions then!
gypsy-heart said,
January 3, 2008 at 7:29 pm
This is the first time I visited you. I am not even sure how I found you today..I am home nursing a cold…so I took the time to explore some more blogs.
Anyway, you made me laugh (that is high on my list), and you touched my heart (I am big into the heart thing).
It could be a lot worse than a tattoo, I’ll let you have my son for a few weeks to demonstrate. :O
Also, I have to confess I had my nose pierced to celebrate turning 50. I was very nervous to tell my daughter (she is the conservative one). Of course, I wear a very, very tiny piece of jewelry…which leads so many people to tell me that I have a piece of glitter on my nose. I have no regrets…besides I have always liked glitter.
As for your mood. I go through the same moods. I think most creative people do (or anyone that gives a damn). I am so sorry about what happened to you, but so pleased that you were wise enough to see the love & light of all those that “circled the wagon” around you. As a southerner I’m sure you know what that means (I am tend to talk about circles a lot).
Have you ever tried yoga? If not, I think it would be wonderful for you.
Well, I can’t believe how much I ran my mouth here…I usually do not “chat” so much especially on a “first visit”.
I will be back because I like the energy here.
Sending you light & healing energies.
~gypsy-heart
moonbeammcqueen said,
January 3, 2008 at 8:38 pm
@ gypsy-heart: Welcome. I’m so glad you stumbled upon my site (though I’m sorry you’re not feeling well). Your comments are really funny, lovely and touching.
First of all, congratulations on your piercing! I think that nose piercings are often so beautiful, and are age-irrelevant. And I like glitter too.
As for “circling the wagons,” you helped me put a name to something that I often struggle with. It’s this phenomenon of having so many incredibly loving people surrounding me when I feel that I’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve it. It’s an incredible unconditional love. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about this, trying to figure out why I have this good fortune. It truly does seem that so often the “wagons are circled” around me.
I’ve thought about yoga, considered yoga, and called around about yoga. It’s kind of out of my realm of possibilities right now, but it’s definitely on my list of things to learn.
The energy changes like the weather here, so be warned! But I’m so glad you stopped by. You made my day. Please feel better. I’m going to visit your blog now.
gypsy-heart said,
January 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm
It is the law of attraction my dear…they are drawn to your light just as you are theirs.
I went the same route with the yoga…went to classes for a while, but I tend to be a recluse and I do not like appointments. I have a DVD called AM PM Yoga by Rodney Yee that I love. It is easy, only takes about 20 minutes, and it is wonderful for the body and spirit. I think I found mine at Walmart or Target.
No problem about moods I like changes…if you/re not changing your dying…besides “the same” is boring. So don’t worry if you reveal your feisty or dark side too. We all have layers..some of us are just better at hiding them.
Would it be alright if I add you to my blog roll. I always ask first.
From within my circle and beyond…..
…sending you light.
~g-h.
moonbeammcqueen said,
January 3, 2008 at 10:23 pm
@ gypsy-heart: I’ll have to check out that DVD. Sounds much more do-able at this point than classes!
I’d be honored to be added to your blogroll. May I do the same?
Thanks for cheering me up today!
gypsy-heart said,
January 3, 2008 at 11:59 pm
I hope you are able to get the Yee dvd. It really helps me. I do the AM one…but usually in the afternoon…I am not a morning person.
I promise it is easy on the body, and soothing. to the soul.
I would be happy for you to add me.
I think the universe put us together today…you cheered me up too!
moonbeammcqueen said,
January 4, 2008 at 12:28 am
@ gypsy-heart: I found the DVD on Amazon, and will order it soon. Thanks so much for the recommendation.
I’ve added you to my blogroll, and I agree. The universe can be awfully nice sometimes!
gypsy-heart said,
January 4, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Good then! No need to thank me..we are all in this together.
I did the same.
Yes…awfully nice!
.
nakedjen said,
February 21, 2009 at 1:07 am
i am not even quite sure how i ended up here this evening, but i just wanted to shout out and say i loved your post about your own experience of your daughter getting her first tattoo.
my beet was my fifth tattoo. and yes, it’s huge. there are words that will be entwined with it. it’s quite a process and with my tattoo artist being in san francisco and me being in salt lake these days i’m having to really schedule the colorization.
i wanted to let wendy know that the orange mark on my lower back was INK. it was from the sharpie that the tattoo artist had used to make sure she centered everything correctly. that was her “center” line. that photo that you posted was taken literally “moments” after the tattoo was first finished.
i do love my beet. beets are my most favorite vegetable and as an activist for organics, the planet and our bodies, well…it just makes me happy!