Survivor: Christmas Edition, the Final Chapter. Sorta.
I’m a woman of extremely limited mental capacity. I think my brain used to be a bit larger, but I partied a lot when I was in my twenties, and what I’m left with is this tiny object the size of a Chicken McNugget that nests inside my skull.
You see, I wanted to write an exciting final installment of the Christmas Survivor series, letting you know how perfectly it all turned out, and how Tom and I quietly shared the beauty and joy of the day. It’s the first Christmas where neither of us had to commute back to our individual abodes afterward. We felt so happy. We share a home now, and to us, it’s one of the best gifts we could ever hope for.
So I was going to tell you about that, and how I spent much of the day on the phone, talking to family and friends. About how my kids called and put me on speaker phone to tell me how much they loved the presents we sent. My daughter was thrilled with her wrong-color, wrong-brand hair straightener, and the other little trinkets I enclosed. My son appreciated his Pinto of electric razors and his snowman boxer shorts, and the hat and gloves we selected fit just fine. They sounded happy and giggly, which delighted me and somehow made me feel that we were together for a little while.
I was going to give you a follow-up to the story about our poverty-stricken neighbor. How we brought over the Playstation 1 that we’d managed to locate for her little boy, and how he opened it with delight and shouted, “Wow!!! Another one!!!,” then stacked it on top of the brand spanking new Playstation 2 that he’d also received.
I wanted to tell you about my favorite gift of all. Wendy, author of the Life With Buck blog, and one of my favorite people in the universe, called to ask for my address. I was expecting a Christmas card, but what I got instead was this:
which is one of the most thoughtful, perfect gifts I’ve ever received. It was made by her friend “Raging Storm,” who often posts comments on her blog, and it’s incredible. She also sent a CD of fantastic cover songs which I listen to constantly, and some issues of the magazine that she and Buck edit and write for. Needless to say, all of this overwhelmed me and made me cry for about sixteen hours. When I called to thank her, she said, “Well, I know it’s kind of like saying, ‘Keep On Smoking!!!!’…” but I assured her that no ash would ever mar this wonderful gift. I just have to get to a point where I can look at it without getting all waah waah.
So I’d planned to do this Christmas wrap up post, and tie things up into a neat little bow, but my seventeen-year-old daughter called last night to tell me that she’d gotten a tattoo. A big honkin’ tattoo on her perfect, tiny, porcelain-white shoulder blade. This information has sent me into shock, and pushed all of the Christmas happy crap from my microscopic mind. I can think of nothing else. There’s no room left at the mental inn for all of the stuff I was going to share with you, because my little brain keeps shrieking, “SHE GOT A FREAKIN’ TATTOO!!!!!”
So I’m really sorry. This is kind of an anti-climatic Christmas wrap up. I’m now onto this tattoo thing instead. I’ll tell you more, as soon as the blood starts flowing back into my tiny brain. Unless I have an aneurysm first.
David said,
December 29, 2007 at 2:08 am
Not sure how daughter’s tatoo equals McNugget brain on your part, but if you RUINED xmas, at least LWB saved it with the most fantastic gift ever! Thanks for taking the picture of it. It’s really cool! And anyway, don’t have an aneurysm. Please.
The ultimate ruined xmas was that family of six murdered on xmas eve outside Seattle.
Can I bum a smoke please?
Little Miss said,
December 29, 2007 at 4:16 am
Okay, several thoughts running through my similarly sized mcnugget brain… First, that gift from LWB. You need to sell those things. I don’t smoke, but I’d peddle them for you. LOL. Oh, dear, and the tattoo. I remember how I felt when my youngest went out and got her first tattoo. ARGH. It was almost as bad as the time she told me she wasn’t a virgin. YIKES. I couldn’t get over it for days. It was bad enough that she got a tattoo, even worse that I really didn’t even like the tattoo she got. But now she has so many that I’m over it. In fact, her last tattoo was a cute little Tinkerbell on her right front upper arm, which she proudly displays in a portrait she had taken for me for Christmas. It’s just who she is and now I accept it.
Oh, and to David’s comment… I live maybe 45 minutes away from where that family was murdered and it’s all that’s on the news. It’s just senseless. It apparently all stemmed from a resentment that the daughter had towards her older brother and parents. And there were frikkin KIDS involved. It’s sickening.
boundandgags said,
December 29, 2007 at 11:22 am
It’s a perfect ending. A little wistful, a tad painful, with a shot of freaking out.
CuriousC said,
December 29, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Merry Bloggin’ Christmas… Life keeps on going. Enjoy the highs, survive the lows, and enjoy the colorful rainbows.
moonbeammcqueen said,
December 29, 2007 at 3:54 pm
@ David: (Passing a cig). LWB’s gift is amazing, huh? I still can’t get over it. That Raging Storm is talented.
My tiny brain can only hold small amounts of information at any given time. Seriously, it’s like a file cabinet. If it gets too crowded, stuff just starts falling out. What’s weird is that the important files tend to end up on the floor, but the useless information stays.
The Carnation murders were horrendous. I’m getting overwhelmed by all of this murder and mayhem going on in the world.
@ LM: I think you’re right– LWB’s gift is so incredible that even a non-smoker could display it proudly!
If I saw your daughter’s tattoos, I’d probably think nothing of them. In fact, I may even admire them. Some of them are truly little works of art. In my daughter’s case, I want the art on her wall, instead of on her body– at least until she’s 37!
@ B&G: You noticed that freaking out thing, huh? I do that sometimes.
@ C: Same to you! It’s all pretty wonderful, isn’t it? The good, the bad, and the tattoos.
randomyriad said,
December 29, 2007 at 4:02 pm
My children keep piercing and tatooing various parts of their bodies, but you know what it really doesn’t change anything. The deed is done. It is all part of whatever they are moving toward, not where you are headed. If that is the worst impulsive act of her life then phew!. If she commits a major felony or is dating Kevin Federline, which should be a felony, that’s the time to freak out.
Wendy said,
December 29, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Oh my God! You’ve made me weepy … you’re just too sweet. Actually, no words are big enough for how sweet you are. (weepy, weepy, etc.) Thanks.
The tattoo thing. Yeah. I don’t know what to even say about it. When my daughter was 16 she was fixated on getting one and threated to go and get one over in Rhode Island (because they were illegal in Massachusetts until fairly recently). I knew she’d do it, so … I’m embarrassed to say that I actually took her to get one, a small star on the inside of her ankle. I did it because I wanted control over it, I was afraid she’d get something big and hideous and highly visible. She’s 27 now and that star is the only tattoo she has, so maybe it was a good thing I insisted on taking her to get the little star. My oldest son has a tattoo also, his monogram done in Olde English on the inside of his forearm. It looks good, actually. And by the time he got it he was 20 or so, so I didn’t worry so much about him regretting it later in life.
Although I’m always saying how I try to stay out of my kids’ lives now that they’re grown, when it comes to tattoos I do have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. On this subject I usually can’t help but interject with, “Listen, you do what you like, but let me say that your tastes change as you get older. If I had gotten a tattoo when I was 18 I would now be stuck with something as assinine as a unicorn sitting on a rainbow.”
But a couple of years ago I said that exact thing in front of a friend of mine, a woman who is the same age as me, who then lifted her pant leg to reveal a tattoo of a smiling unicorn beneath a rainbow. Nice going, Wendy. Open mouth, insert foot.
Wendy said,
December 29, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Oh, and can I just say that of all the twenty-something kids I’ve asked about their tattoos — and I’ve asked A LOT OF THEM, none has ever said they regret getting them. Your daughter sounds so artsy and intelligent — that post about her clash with the teacher proved that and I was mentally applauding her — so I wouldn’t worry one bit about her tatts. I’m sure she’s put a lot of thought into them and they’re very cool.
And she actually sounds like you; intellectual, funny, and kind of mystical.
Sometimes Saintly Nick said,
December 29, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Well, I am so sorry, Ms. Moonbeam, that you never told us all of that stuff. I am sure I would have enjoyed reading it.
Sooo… what’s one little tattoo between mother and daughter? I figure if she likes it, there will be more. Perhaps many more, including a few in places she will never show you.
Happy New Year, my dear Moonbeam.
moonbeammcqueen said,
December 29, 2007 at 7:11 pm
@ RM: Great words of wisdom. And the mention of K-Fed kind of puts it all into its proper perspective.
@ Wendy: Now, see? You’re going to make me weepy again, and then I’ll write something, and you’ll start weeping again, and soon there will be a flood, and we’ll all have to build arks, and, and…
I wish I could have been with my daughter during her tattooing, mostly to make sure she was okay. I hate it when she’s hurting, even if it is self-imposed. Afterward, she did say that it hurt like hell, and that she couldn’t understand how people got so addicted to the pain. But then, she said she wanted another one, so we’ll see.
And your story about the rainbow unicorn was hilarious!!!!
@ SS Nick: Heehee. Yes, I’m sorry I couldn’t have told you about all of it either.
And thanks. I feel much better now. Just wait until Alex comes home with the little mouse he had tattooed on his butt!
Happy New Year, and hugs to you.
David said,
December 29, 2007 at 10:45 pm
Wendy and moonbeam, I’ve made reservations at a hotel for you two on New Year’s Eve in Miami, Oklahoma (about halfway between Dayton and El Paso) and ordered Room Service to bring you a case of Pufs Plus with Aloe. Actually that’s a big fat lie. DONT TRUST ANYONE NOT EVEN YOURSELF (plugging my latest post, how fucking shameless is that?).
Seriously though, Wendy’s story about the star tattoo (and the unicorn/rainbow!!) really captures this mother daughter struggle beautifully. Crap now I’m gonna get weepy. DAMMIT.
moonbeammcqueen said,
December 30, 2007 at 3:23 am
@ David: That’s like saying, “I’ve sent you a flux capacitor and some pink Everlast boxing gloves– NOT!!!!!!!!” Very mean.
Wendy’s story was wonderful. It made me miss my daughter. *Sniffle* I’m passing you the box of Puffs.
romi41 said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:35 pm
What a beautiful gift from your friend Wendy! I don’t even know how she got it made so perfectly, but it’s awesome
Well..I don’t have a daughter, OR the maturity level to wonder what it would be like to have a kid (LOL), but I’m sure the tattoo-shock will subside…has she described it? Maybe it’s small and beautiful?…Maybe????
PS: there’s NO way you could write as captivatingly (that’s not a word, but I don’t care) as you do if you had a McNugget -sized brain!!!
joanharvest said,
December 30, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Go on my blog and you’ll see a few pictures of my beautiful daughter and then imagine a tattoo of a dragon that takes up her whole back. She got it about five years ago. Then imagine her wedding day which was the perfect wedding, She wore a strapless beautiful wedding gown and every time she turned around all you could see was that dragon. She’s got two other smaller tattoos. My son also has three tattoos. One is a big sailfish on his leg. Even my wasband got a tattoo. He actually got it in Florida when my son got one of his tattoos. So I am the only family member without one. I feel a little left out.
The ashtray is awesome. Wendy has a good soul.
Wendy said,
December 30, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Flux capacitor. LOL. I never get tired of reading about that thing.
moonbeammcqueen said,
December 30, 2007 at 4:49 pm
@ romi: I haven’t gotten a picture of the tattoo yet, so my imagination is just running wild on what it looks like, and how large it is. I’m writing a post on it, and I’ll show a picture as soon as I get one.
Thanks for your sweet comments. I’m sending you hugs.
@ joanharvest: Okay, I think you need a tattoo. Maybe St. Aplencia, or some other meaningful one. Your children are beautiful, with or without tats! I agree about Wendy’s soul– she’s an angel.
@ Wendy: Pretend you don’t hear all of us talking about how wonderful you are, m’kay?
David said,
December 30, 2007 at 11:41 pm
I’m so sorry. I seem to be so insensitive lately. Maybe I need to get a little more sunlight on my face. I’m such a fuckin joker
My daughter (27) has never shocked me with stuff like tattoos. About the worst she’s done was get the idea to study abroad shortly after 9/11. Couldn’t possibly argue against the idea, but putting her on that plane was hard. She had a wonderful semester in Kenya.
Wendy, I would think that the “Mr. Fusion Home Energy Reactor” would be more up your alley. Probably would come under St. Applencia’s umbrella of patronage too.
Brian said,
December 31, 2007 at 12:03 am
Wendy is officially the most thoughtful gifter in the universe! That thing is way cool. I thought you had gotten really creative with a photo editor before I read that it was actually real.
Don’t worry too much about your daughter’s tat. It’s what’s in a person’s heart that counts, and she sounds like a great girl.
romi41 said,
December 31, 2007 at 2:03 am
oooh…I eagerly await the tattoo post; I’m sure you have a lot to say!!
PS: sending some hugs right back at ya!
Alyson said,
December 31, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Awesome gift!
As for the tat, look on the bright side, my sister-in-law got the shock of finding out she has a 2 year old grandaughter, (courtsey of her son and one of his ex’s) for Christmas, so it could be worse.
Wendy said,
December 31, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Okay I’m like dead from the neck up … I just found all the fantabulous things people have said about little me! Wow you guys, you’re too nice. And totally wrong about me. I’m pretty cruel, and there are about 12-15 words I constantly misspell and always have to look up. I don’t hesitate to eat the last snack cake in the box, or take the last cup of coffee in the pot. Now I gotta go look up “Mr. Fusion Home Energy Reactor” because another thing about me is that I buy anything people tell me to, which is why I have a freezer full of weird hors d’oevres (the free food ladies in Costco are my homegirls).
Link love for my Top 13 Commentators - December 2007 | My lucky number 13 said,
December 31, 2007 at 1:35 pm
[...] 6. Moonbeam McQueen wrote some Christmas stories. You can check the final chapter of Survivor: Christmas Edition [...]