It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s My Sofa!
I wanted to tell you about this sofa and love seat I bought from my mother before she moved last weekend. It was a really lovely set. Olive green, great fabric, deep as a well, with big rounded arms and big cushy pillows. So nice. It didn’t look at all like the one pictured above, which is for illustrative purposes only.
We made it home with the love seat, and after taking the front door and the screen door off their hinges, we got it inside. It looks beautiful. Tom groused a little. “I just don’t see what’s wrong with my couches.”
Let me tell you about Tom’s couches. He bought them years and years ago from either Goodwill or the Salvation Army. I think they were having a bachelor sale– neither cost more than $20. One is functional, but ugly. He covered it with a red slipcover, and called it good. It’s his sofa, the place he likes to park.
The other sofa is this huge monstrosity that is hideous beyond belief. Imagine the ugliest thing you can think of and multiply it by 500, and you’ll start to get the idea. Beige and mauve and dingy, it’s as long as a train car, and the cushions don’t fit it, so there’s a big hole that I kind of fall into every time I sit down. The cat uses one of the arms as a scratching post, and it’s a shredded mass of white and gray cotton (”I figured that Tux deserved a piece of furniture too,” Tom explained).
I’m not a picky person. I’m not a materialistic person. But the idea of having two sofas that actually matched, that were beautiful and comfortable and almost new, made me really happy.
The next day, Tom and my nephew loaded up the other sofa and made their way to Dayton, while Mom, my brother-in-law and I packed and cleaned. Two hours later, the phone rang. It was Tom. “Are you sitting down?” he asked. I sat down. He proceeded to relay the following story: They were just outside of Dayton when a huge gust of wind lifted the big heavy sofa and blew it out of the truck. The thing just flew. A guy in a white car was behind them, and Tom swerved across two lanes of traffic to try to keep the furniture from going through the man’s windshield. The sofa was dragged upside down across the highway. The ropes, apparently not as secure as Tom had thought, kept it from flying into the other man’s car.
“Ahhh hah hah!!!” I laughed. “You’re lying! You’re joking!” There was dead silence on the other end of the phone, and I started to cry. Tom apologized all over the place.
He and my nephew took the sofa to an upholsterer who estimated that it would cost $800-$900 to repair it. They then took it home, set it out by the curb, and headed back to Columbus. When I heard this, I was almost hysterical. Surely there was some way to salvage it! It couldn’t be that bad.
I tried to dry my eyes and put on a brave front, but I was so upset. I just wanted to own something nice, dammit! My brother-in-law, one of the sweetest guys on the planet, offered to buy me another one, but I told him “no way.” Tom says we’ll buy another, but I don’t foresee it for quite some time, since neither of us is employed right now. I’d rather have groceries.
As I slowly drove home that night, I kept telling myself, “It’s just stuff. It’s just an object. It means nothing.” But when I got to the house and saw that torn up, beat up, sad-looking sofa with the arms and back shredded down to the wood, I boohooed a little all over again. The Bulk Waste guys hauled it off this morning.
So we have a new loveseat. It’s really pretty. Tom’s sitting on the ugly beige and mauve sofa with the scratching post arm. We took the more decent, red slipcovered one outside to make room for everything, but we’ll bring it back in tomorrow and take the ugly beige one to the curb. A green love seat and red sofa– it’ll be like Christmas all year long.
It looks like I may be headed for another bad week. Or maybe it was just a bad day. After all, it’s just stuff.
randomyriad said,
November 9, 2007 at 10:12 am
I am sorry for your loss. My wife has similar dreams of a matching living room set, but she likes groceries too.
Brian said,
November 9, 2007 at 10:35 am
That really sucks. I know that it is terribly disappointing, but try not to let it affect you too much. At least you have the pretty love seat and the other one doesn’t sound too bad.
I’ve also been the type to buy used furniture, but a couple of years ago, I decided to buy a new couch and love seat. They were really pretty and looked great in my living room, but they are both absolute pieces of crap. I’ve had used pieces that were much better quality.
Keep your head up, girl!
alyson said,
November 9, 2007 at 10:44 am
That sucks so bad. But it is just “stuff”.
I’m like you Brian, If I would’ve known you couldn’t purchase a decent sofa nowdays I would’ve shelled out the big $ to have one of my hand-me-downs reupholstered rather than taking it to the dump.
leakyfaucet said,
November 9, 2007 at 11:25 am
I can certainly sympathize with you about the couch situation! But don’t worry, if the universe finally allowed me to have my couches then you’ll get yours too
Little Miss said,
November 9, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Okay, I say “crap” to the “it’s just stuff” stuff. It isn’t just stuff. It’s symbolic to something much bigger than stuff.
I’m not materialistic either but when I’m stuck at home for hours or even days on end, I want to look at nice things. I want to sit on nice things. Maybe that’s the Taurus, earthy person in me. It’s representative of my ability to do well in this world, to show something for all my hard work and what I give up for everyone else.
When one is creative and artistic, looking at nice things, feeling nice things, heck – even having semi-nice bed linens – is pleasurable. They don’t have to be expensive $5,000 leather sofas, just matching or coordinating and comfortable and easy. Life is hard everywhere else, so why shouldn’t your home, where you spend a great deal of time, be pleasurable, relaxing, and calm for you?
For me, looking at the sofas that are now under a tarp in my back yard was highly stressful. I’d see the same scratching post arms you’re looking at and it would stress me out to no end. I was constantly thinking of how to make slipcovers, what it would take to get a new one. I just am incapable of accepting shabbiness at its worst in my own home. Things don’t have to be expensive, just in decent condition.
K said,
November 9, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Aw, hilarious but sad story. I know the feeling exactly — you’re so looking forward to something, visions of it dancing in your head, and then it flies off the back of a truck and gets smashed to pieces. It sucks, but someday you’ll have lovely living room furniture again and the story will actually become funny and not in a bitter, ironic way.
Also, when the need for groceries has been well-satisfied, you might wanna check out IKEA or Craigslist for some pretty good and cheap furniture. It even matches! If you want it to, that is.
Life With Buck said,
November 9, 2007 at 12:54 pm
I totally agree with Little Miss. You want to say “it’s just stuff” because you know that’s the right attitude to take. But it’s deeper than that when you live your life in these rooms and you want for them to not only look good but feel good. There’s A LOT to be said for feeling good in the rooms of your home.
I totally understand your feelings about what happened, and I have a couch story myself from the very distant past that’s painful to the point I won’t let myself think about it. You’re justified in feeling sad, and it’s probably gonna take some real grownup effort on your part not to be reminded of it every time you sit down on the loveseat. I don’t have any advice, but I hope it won’t take you long to work through it.
moonbeammcqueen said,
November 9, 2007 at 1:18 pm
@ RM: When your wife graduates, she’ll have her dream living room. I kept saying, “After the kids are grown, I’ll have nicer stuff. Now I’m thinking, “After my future grandkids are grown…”
@ Brian and Alyson: I’m trying to keep my chin up. It will be fine. I agree, the newer stuff is usually crap, but you know, it’s matching crap!
@ Leaky Faucet: I forgot about your hilarious sofa story! For some reason, I can’t link to your blog, so I can’t find it. Would you please send me the URL?
@ K: That’s EXACTLY how it feels! Great idea about IKEA and CraigsList. When we’re generating income again, I’ll check it out.
@ Little Miss and LWB: Well, of course there’s a lot to what you say. Our environments are important. I hate “early poverty” era decor, only because it tends to be depressing. I sold most of my furniture when I moved to Ohio. It wasn’t fantastic or new, but I liked it a lot because it reflected my personality. And I will eventually replace a lot of it. In the meantime, I’m curling up on my nice pretty love seat and enjoying.
moonbeammcqueen said,
November 9, 2007 at 3:00 pm
NOTE: If you go to Leaky Faucet’s blog, and do a search under “sofa” and “couch,” you’ll find a pretty funny furniture fiasco. I’m starting to see that many people have sofa woes.
http://leakyfaucet.wordpress.com
Little Miss said,
November 9, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Choosing sofas are a pain I think. There’s too much to choose from, they’re too expensive, and something you have to look at on a daily basis, plus they need to be comfortable. I have a post on my blog about how I solved it – if you’re interested – blog post is called “No more analysis paralysis.” I used Rent-A-Center to purchase a set with the 90 days same as cash option, which saved me money. And I did my research so I know their cash price wasn’t inflated. It was cheaper than the exact set new. Anywhooo…. Hope you are resting. I should be working (editing) and I am too distracted to focus. Ok, back to work for me.
tammyrenee said,
November 10, 2007 at 2:10 am
Moonbeam, it could be worse! Back in 2000 I was living with this “artist type” and for Christmas, he wanted to buy me a living room suite. Damn did I feel special! We went to the furniture store and I fell IN LOVE with this burgandy sofa and loveseat. He filled out the credit application and was declined because he had worked less than one year at his current job. The saleslady recommended we do a joint application and being the idiot I was, agreed. Lo and behold, she ran the application wrong and when our first bill arrived, I was the only one on the account. I called the store and they referred me to Household Bank who held the credit account. They asked if we accepted delivery and of couse we had and the bill didn’t come until two weeks later. By that time, it was a done deal. Not a big issue, right? He pays the payments and I get the credit for it. Well, things went south (he cheated) and moved out the following April. As he was paying half our rent that I was now responsible to pay myself, I couldn’t make the furniture payments and let it go against my credit. The original purchase was for like $1200, but the finance charges put it up to more like $2000+!!
In 2005, the account was sold to another collector who tacked on even MORE charges and I suddenly had a $4,000 + bad debt on my credit report. By law that bitch is supposed to be removed in 2008, but when the account sold in 2005, the new creditor lied about when the account was open and to this day, I try at least twice a year to get that corrected on my credit report with no luck. I just pulled my report last week to see what it looked like before trying to buy a house and it says the debt will continue to be reported until 2012! That damn living room suit only lasted about five years and will haunt me a total of 11 years!
moonbeammcqueen said,
November 10, 2007 at 11:29 am
@ Tammy: What a sad story! In the long run, I’ll bet you were happy to end up with the debt instead of the deadbeat boyfriend. What a scumbag! Keep trying– I’ll bet you can get that removed from your credit report.
bosquechica said,
November 10, 2007 at 12:55 pm
ooooh — I hate flying sofas! and those barbarian couches that some guys bond with so deeply are revolting! I bought my first new couch about 4 years ago, and it makes such a difference, esthetically, comfort, everything. Say, I know you’re still in the grieving process here, but have you looked at furniture consignment stores? The money goes a lot farther that way. My wife used to do some serious dumpster diving when she was in San Francisco, and actually found some really beautiful old mission oak. She had to strip and refinish, but still, I think it’s great when things like that work out.
Sometimes Saintly Nick said,
November 10, 2007 at 2:11 pm
A flying sofa? I’ve never encountered a wind that strong—short of a tornado and a normal wind in Iowa. Merry Christmas to your living room.
moonbeammcqueen said,
November 10, 2007 at 7:49 pm
@ bosquechica: laughing my head off at your comments. From now on, I’m referring to Tom’s couch as the “Conan Couch.” It IS a barbarian bachelor couch. I’ve found great old consignment store sofas over the years (sofa hunting seems to be a recurring theme in my life), and eventually I’ll find another. It does give you a feeling of great accomplishment to find the perfect one, although I’m a little too old for dumpster diving at this point. With my luck, I’d have to call 9-1-1 to retrieve me.
@ SS Nick: It was a freak accident, Nick. From what I’ve gathered, the wind was very strong, traveled underneath the sofa, and just tore it off the truck. Maybe it was actually a gang of couch-hating thugs who surrounded the truck and beat it with clubs. Of course, Tom and my nephew wouldn’t want to embarrass themselves and divulge that story, so they made up another. I’ll go with that one.
I’m thinking about hanging some year-round tinsel in the living room. It’s kind of nice to have a ready-made decorating theme.
Ion Danu said,
November 11, 2007 at 11:51 am
Funny story of a not so funny event… But this is the Scarecrow approach!
When I say “Scarecrow” it’s the movie I’m referring to: Jerry Schatzberg’s movie, with Al Pacino and Gene Hackman… Gene Hackman being an ugly and mean bastard, always in trouble, always fighting and using violence to solve his problems (and doing time for that…) Al Pacino was the smaller, funnier and more inteligent in this friends couple (really friends, nothing else) and he tried to teach Hackman to difuse the bad things in life through humor… It didn’t always worked for himself (he got beaten badly and maybe raped by a convict and with that one the Hackman’s method was more appropied…and he get insane when his hurt ex-girlfriend “punishes” for leaving her telling him lies about their child…) but he succeds in teaching something hackman’s character… There is a scene of “strip-tease” performed, for the first time, by Hackman, instead of getting into a fight, scene which is simply a masterpiece of humor… Kind of a long explanation, is it? Anyhow, you also use humor to defuse (or difuse?) bad things in your life and I love the results… you could gather the pieces and do a great book!
moonbeammcqueen said,
November 11, 2007 at 12:39 pm
@ Ion: You mentioned “Scarecrow” once before, and I have it on my list of films to watch– it must have had a big impact on you, since your signature on your paintings is a little scarecrow. I agree with your observation. I’ve always found that humor is the best way to get through tough situations and that most tragedies contain comedy in retrospect. I have many books in my head, but for now, I truly love the blogging process. Maybe I’ll compile some of it someday.
David said,
November 11, 2007 at 11:28 pm
As another male with a sofa disability, I can happily report that both of the sofas in our home now are those god-awful hide-a-bed things that weigh as much as a pickup truck. One came with the house, one we brought with us was given to us by some neighbors that upgraded to nice furniture. I happily report this because my wife has tolerated these monstrosities even though I know she would love “nice” furniture. She has done wonders with slipcovers, pillows, and even reconfigured mattress foam. If only she knew how to reupholster. Some day we will have nice furniture. Like other nice people do. One of life’s mysteries … Why does bad furniture happen to good people?
“Paradise is exactly like where you are right now only much, much better.”
-Laurie Anderson
moonbeammcqueen said,
November 12, 2007 at 10:14 am
@ David: I think that would make a great book title: “When Bad Furniture Happens to Good People.” I’ve had monster hide-a-beds in the past. Not only do they weigh as much as a pickup truck, but it seems that as a rule, they’re very uncomfortable to sleep on. I wish I was as inventive as your wife. I have a friend (in another state) who’s so handy she could have taken one look at my torn up sofa and reupholstered it on the spot. Unfortunately, I’m not gifted in this way, so it ended up decorating a landfill.
Love your Laurie Anderson quote.
Netty Gritty said,
November 13, 2007 at 1:58 pm
there’s no such thing as just stuff! a part of your spirit was imbued in that sofa!
when i lose part of my spirit – yes, it does happen once in a while – i feel quite empty too! and sometimes rather useless small objects can make me cry when something happens to them!
moonbeammcqueen said,
November 13, 2007 at 5:48 pm
@ Netty: A very good point. We do have little pieces of ourselves embedded in some of our possessions. I just have to make sure that it’s not such an important piece that something like this totally devastates me. I did tell Tom that part of my spirit flew off the truck, and he said that he’d replace it.
Why I Love the World: Reason #2671 « Moonbeam McQueen said,
December 5, 2007 at 5:50 pm
[...] Waste people to pick up. It’s an old one, but in decent condition (for more about our sofas, read this). A couple of hours later, there was a knock at the door, and I opened it to see an adorably chubby [...]
ChildrenFurnitureFour said,
January 26, 2008 at 10:59 am
Hello,
I found your blog a few days ago and it`s great! Thanks!
moonbeammcqueen said,
January 26, 2008 at 12:33 pm
@ ChildrenFurnitureFour: Thanks! I’m so glad you like it!