A Wish for Winehouse
Almost every morning, as we’re waking up, Tom will ask me what I’m thinking about. I always answer honestly, no matter how stupid the current thought is. This morning, it was, “Amy Winehouse.” I was worrying about her. She weighs about a pound now, due to anorexia and bulimia. Her arms are covered with tattoos and scars (she’s a cutter). She could out-drink and out-drug Hunter S. Thompson in a heartbeat, and a couple of weeks ago, she overdosed on a mixture of alcohol, cocaine, heroin and ketamine. She also happens to be incredibly talented, and I think that her songs and sound come from intense emotional pain. The way she’s able to relay her pain to us is, in part, what makes her so gifted.
She’s not doing a Britney Spears, trying to sing silly, pseudo-virgin pop lyrics for teenaged fans while living the trailer trash life. No handlers are running interference or trying to fix Amy Winehouse’s image. She is what she is. And what she is is self-destructive.
This led to a long discussion of her talent, her youth (she’s twenty-three), and her bent toward having a very brief life. She’s a tortured soul, and an honest one, and that makes for some intriguing art. She struggles with her inner demons in front of all of us. Anna Nicole Smith did too, but Amy Winehouse has the ability to convey it poetically and musically. We gain from her pain.
When reading about her latest overdose, and a recent interview that her mother gave to the Daily Mail, Janis Winehouse relayed that her daughter had always been this way– always troubled, always in trouble, always worrying her parents. Which begs the question, “Why didn’t you people seek help for her when she was a kid?” Oh well, who knows how these things work. Often, we parents tend to love our children with a strange mixture of love, guilt, and a sometimes a little hopelessness.
I recently watched a show called Intervention, about the son of Chuck Negron, former lead singer for Three Dog Night. His son, Chuckie was born addicted to heroin– both of his parents were addicts at the time of his birth. At eighteen, Chuckie himself became an addict, shooting up 15-20 times a day. His mother, full of anguish and guilt, actually drove him to score drugs (so he wouldn’t be physically harmed doing it by himself in those rough neighborhoods) and gave him the money (so he wouldn’t steal and end up in jail, which he did anyway). But you know, she loves him the best way she knows how.
So, I’m wishing for a miracle, and that Amy Winehouse decides she wants to live (she is in rehab now). If her career is the main contributor to her demise, I think her fans would rather have her alive and never hear her sing another note.
Steph said,
October 29, 2007 at 8:49 am
I think that if people want to make themselfs ill then let them do it…
Themselves. If Amy Winehouse wants to do this to herself, I can’t do anything about it, of course, but I do hope that she decides to get well.
The Kittens said,
October 30, 2007 at 6:23 pm
I believe that she’s been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I recall reading it in Rolling Stone. She can’t make herself better. Her parents can’t heal her with a different kind of love. It’s much bigger than that.
I was in a relationship with a bipolar person that lasted three years, I know first hand that these people are beyond helping until they see it themselves and accept that they’ll have to rely on drugs to keep their synapses firing right. They also need to carefully control their environment and understand their triggers. Finally, they need to understand that they have to have a support network and not want to run from them. Until then, the illness will control them. My S.O. was on Adderall and had a supportive family and friends. Even then, when the depressive periods hit, she’d swear it was the drugs doing it, stop taking them, run away and lash out at those who loved her. It’s a terrible illness becasue it destroys the person and everyone around them. There is a defensive drive to disown the situation and blame external stressors for their condition. They see nothing wrong with the stratospheric highs and suicidal lows that their condition gives them – they see it as symptoms of how the world, or their parents, or their friends, or the government (whoever) is ruining their lives. They see it as the result of the world being against them. All they experience is the reality of it – not that their neurology is distorting their perception of the world. Amy W. is a case of a self-medicating Bipolar. She gets high to stay high – to ride out the inevitable crash. But it can’t be done. And she won’t survive the disease at the rate she’s going. Unfortunately, if she really does do what she needs to do – medication, support, lifestyle control – it will deaden her creativity. My S.O. complained of being “flattened” when she was on the Adderall. She wasn’t expressive, creative, or enthusiastic – just there. So she’s skip doses. Then she’d slide into a high, not sleep for weeks at a time, repaint the livingroom in the middle of the night… until she crashed out – calling me at 3AM telling me she was going to hang herself. Then we’d fight about the pills and she’d run… hide for a week or two. We’d have to use her credit card records to track her. Once she was gone for a month – living on the streets of Chicago.
One way or the other, Amy Winehouse will not last. It saddens me too.
Kittens: Your comments are amazing. Everything you wrote describes exactly a former S.O. of mine. I’ve never seen it laid out so well, and I’ve never really been able to explain completely what he was like or why. I think you know that one of the by-products of this is that you can’t stay in a relationship like that. It’s a bloodsucking vampire of an illness.
I hadn’t heard that Amy Winehouse suffers from it. It’s such a shame. And I’m afraid you’re right. I don’t see how she can last. Thanks for writing.
Nina said,
November 3, 2007 at 3:34 pm
hey,
i don’t know much about amy winehouse cuz i’ve just began to listen to her songs . But i wanted to thank you for your article because all the things i’ve read about her are nasty and silly things ,critics about her and drugs …
And i find it so easy and stupid
so, that’s all i wanted to say,
sorry for my english if i say something wrong , i don’t speak it very well
see ya
moonbeammcqueen said,
November 3, 2007 at 11:43 pm
Nina: Your English was just fine. And I appreciate your comment very much. I don’t like it much when people are hard-hearted toward those who are struggling. It’s nice to hear from others who feel the same way. Thanks for reading!
Areteseeker said,
November 5, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Excellent take on her life.
Sometimes you can feel the hopelessnes in her songs.
and her creativity is a force that Amy could learn to harness being at full health. But i have no idea of what she thinks about herself.
ignorance is Bliss… But Knowledge is Power!
haroldmaude said,
November 5, 2007 at 10:48 pm
I don’t know what to make of Amy Winehouse. When I first heard her voice on one of those Back to Black tracks early this year, I was like, it’s on… and proceeded to illegally download the tracks to the album. I purchased the CD a month or so later and if I had come across an affordable copy of the vinyl, I would have purchased that instead.
Now. I feel almost ashamed that I bought that album. She makes great music, honest music. And she sounds great live, but not as well as she does on the CD. That has nothing to do with the digital tinkering that goes into making a CD. Amy Winehouse has a hard time focusing when she’s in front of a crowd… usually it seems because she’s been drinking or drugging (who knows). I guess Ms. Winehouse just has a hard time staying focused period.
It’s a shame that she’s a slave to drugs…as it is a shame that any of us are slaves to anything. It doesn’t particularly help that the dude she married is a wino/ druggie, too. Can anyone say Whitney and Bobby (and maybe Ms. Winehouse was always ‘messed’ up)?
Now, Amy is just a big fat joke — I mean dangerously thin joke. Because of her public malfunctions, she has a harder time ‘performing’ well in public…and I guess that would drive an addict to do more dope. But she put out a stellar album last year and everyone is rewarding her, applauding her and asking her to show up and do things popular music artists do…promote her work. But look how she’s doing it? I bet you she’s performing these Back to Black songs so horribly in public now because all the lyrics are coming back to bite her in the ass — or whatever you cal the bone taking up space in her shorts. I bet she can’t even say ‘they tried to make me go to rehab’ with a straight face… she probably wrote it at a time when she had been sober for a while. The same goes for ‘you know i’m no good’ and a lot of the other tracks on that album.
In summary, I hope she doesn’t OD in some very horrid, public fashion…or continue to be a public disgrace and acting a fool for the rest of her fame…and impending infamy. If her parents really wanted to stop her, they’d convince someone to stop giving the girl money. But her record company doesn’t care either. And I know I’m not being fair to her parents. GOD knows I’d like to open up some folks’ heads and change things to make them ‘better’ people… but Ms. Winehouse has to grow some balls and look her horrid, wasteful life in the mirror for her to get better. Stop hating yourself, love. If GOD saw fit to put you here, you must be worth something… stop spitting yourself in the face.
moonbeammcqueen said,
November 6, 2007 at 7:35 am
@ Areteseeker: Wouldn’t it be great if she could “harness” that creativity? I wish she’d somehow turn it all around, but as time goes on, it seems unlikely.
@ haroldmaude: Great comments. I did almost the same thing you did. When I first heard her, I immediately went out and bought her CD– two copies in fact. One for me, and one for my daughter. I haven’t seen her live, except on YouTube, and it makes me so sad. She’s winning all of these awards, and she’s unable to even deliver an acceptance speech.
I’ll never regret buying that CD, however. It’s a snapshot of where she was at a certain place in time, and it shows such emotion and depth and promise. Even if she can’t deliver more, I appreciate that one little gift she was able to produce.
I honestly think that her promoters should stop thinking about what a moneymaker she is, and cancel her tours until she can work on getting well. It’s almost like they’re propping up a corpse right now. Of course, she’s generating millions, and they’ll never do it.
I agree with what The Kittens wrote above. At the root of all of this is a woman who is bipolar. Her symptoms are almost textbook. I truly wish someone would intervene, get her back into treatment and away from her husband (who now also looks like a walking corpse). Maybe her mind could clear enough to grow those balls you’re talking about. Anyone who’s stubborn enough to be that bent on self-destruction, can be strong enough to get well. At least I hope so.
Jessica said,
November 19, 2007 at 4:32 am
Amy Winehouse. I often look upon her with dismay. The kind of dismay I feel when people talk about Whitney Houston or Michael Jackson. The kind of feeling where you know somebody was given such a great gift by the way of their talent.. and they’re throwing it all away. It’s depressing. It’s.. pathetic.
Being of the eating disordered sort, knowing that I am bi-polar and have an addictive personality.. I have some rare sort of insight. Bi-polar is thought to be hereditary and that I got it from my father. I’ve been diagnosed five times. Also, I was diagnosed with a host of other “disorders”, one of them being Borderline Personality Disorder. The most common personality disorder in the World. If you would kindly do a little more research, you’d realize that Amy Winehouse isn’t a classic case of bi-polar disorder, but that of a Borderline Personality. BPD causes self-harm/destruction, impulsive actions, intense depression, poor intrapersonal relationships and mood swings (Different in that manic depression causes long-lasting, slow cycles. Borderline personalities rapidly cycle.). Manic Depressives don’t try to keep a high. Episodes last a month or two and only occur a few times a year. Of course, that generally depends on which type you fall into. I’m a BP-I, which means I am more manic than depressive.
“They see nothing wrong with the stratospheric highs and suicidal lows that their condition gives them – they see it as symptoms of how the world, or their parents, or their friends, or the government (whoever) is ruining their lives. They see it as the result of the world being against them.”
That is so ridiculously wrong that it’s almost offensive. I grew up with a bi-polar man. It is NOTHING like that. You’re crossing disorders. It almost sounds like schizophrenia. I don’t believe the government or anybody else is out to get me, nor do I believe my father ever did either. I never tried to keep my manic high. Manic episodes are not glorious and happy. They may occasionally cause one to feign arrogance or feel some sort of ephemeral superiority, but never is it a feeling of grandeur like people commonly mistake it to be. Manic episodes cause somebody to be irritable, impatient, have racing thoughts, anxiety, et cetera.. nowhere in there will you find a feeling of being high. It isn’t a drug.
Please, do read this before you “The Kittens” try to talk about bi-polar disorder again.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder.shtml
As for Amy, it’s so easy to fall. I imagine her fame put her around people that had less than decent intentions. It only takes once to become madly in love with the kind of lifestyle she leads. It’s fast. Nothing lasts, especially feeling. Drugs wash away thought. I imagine there is a lot of pain bottled up inside that tiny little body and she cannot cope. She may have never developed coping methods and this may well be the only way she knows how to deal with reality. I cannot blame her for that, because I understand it so well. Somebody does need to stand up and help her. Even if it makes her hate them for a little while, somebody needs to be a hero. I wish years ago that somebody had helped me. I’m only 20 and I have very severe health problems. She’s three years my senior, has money and access to far more drugs and trouble than I ever did. If she keeps this up, she won’t even live to see 30. They say they love her.. but, I honestly do not understand how her family and her husband can sit and watch such a (once) beautiful, talented girl waste away into nothingness.
moonbeammcqueen said,
November 19, 2007 at 11:36 am
@ Jessica: Wow. Thank you. Never did I think that tis post would generate such an interesting discussion. I read the link that you put here, and while I’m not sure what disorder(s) Amy Winehouse has, I’ve learned a lot about a couple of people who’ve been in my life. What do you do for your BPD? Is there any hope for people who suffer to live a “normal” life? I’d hate to think that something that you (or Amy W) inherited is untreatable.
I agree with you: “They say they love her.. but, I honestly do not understand how her family and her husband can sit and watch such a (once) beautiful, talented girl waste away into nothingness.” Even if she’s involuntarily committed, someone should do something to keep her from destroying herself.
I’m so glad you’re visiting this site. Your comments are great. I truly wish you the best.
hoodoo said,
November 21, 2007 at 1:24 am
amy winehouse’s parents should hire some proffessional help and stage an intervention with her husband in jail. her mother recently made the comment that “most heroin addicts don’t have anything to live for, but amy has her music, and fame and a loving family”. loving they may be but they don’t know a thing about addiction or any of the other myriad thngs going on with their daughter. it’s so sad to see such a talented young woman destroy herself with every means possible short of putting a gun to her head. i hope something positive happens for amy, and fast.
Lisa Gray said,
November 27, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Hey Folks,
I’m a massive massive fan… so maybe I’m more than a little biased : – )
For s tart whether Amy is bipolar, schizophrenic, manic, depressive etc etc….. how can anyone here possibly say??? we’ve never met Amy and we’re not mental health practitioners. A medical diagnosis of Amys condition can’t be made through rubbish articals written in disgusting newspapers who love nothing more than seeing a bright young person crash and burn. (BTW I also found the guys description of his exes illness a little offensive and oozing misunderstanding. Most people with mental illness feel so disgusted with themselves, not parents, government etc… thats what keeps them so low).
However, I think we can all agree that Amy does have mental health issues (other than buliema, whcih shes admitted to)…. you can’t compare her to Pete Doherty and Kate Moss, for example. Who are brainless morans with too much arrogance and money.
Amy is not a victim of “fame” or a “lifestyle”….. what lifestyle are people talking about??? She lives in a poxy little flat, doesn’t have a car, buys her clothes in 2nd hand clothes shops….. We could all never buy a record made by her again…. doesn’t stop her being a drug addict! Money and fame have nothing to do with it. I personally, believe she would have went this way if she was a singer or a cleaner!
Unfortunately all great jazz and blues singers have had tragic existances… thats where there talent comes from (Ella Fitgerald, Billy Holiday, Ray Charles, Marive Gaye etc etc etc). How coild Amy possibly have written Back To Black if she wasn’t deeply deeply troubled??? Thats why Pop Stars singing about heartbreak and loss is so mince!! Because they have never felt it at the depths Amy clearly has.
Its a very touch and go case. If her parents commit her against her will and keep her away from Blake… I think they would both commit suicide. If they carry on as they are… they die a horrific death anyway.
I’d also like to point out…. Amy doesn’t court fame… she doesn’t want to sell records or be famous or do interviews or win awards. She has said over and over and over again… she ain’t no roll model… she just likes singing. Shes said if she doesn’t get to make another song ever again she can die happy because career wise she has realised all her goals. One platnum album or 101?? Whats the difference?? Thats how she appears to see it.
I really hope her label have one shred of decency and stop her tour and let her go to rehab where she can get better and write a new album which would be a great form of theropy for her and a delight for us all to hear I’m sure.
I love this girl so much.
moonbeammcqueen said,
November 27, 2007 at 12:26 pm
@ Lisa: I agree with your assessment of Amy– one of the things that’s so endearing about her is that she’s not materialistic– it’s refreshing to see someone whose every word and action isn’t filtered through some public relations firm. She’s just herself, and she’s a part of that long lineage of tragic singers whose expression of pain is what makes them so brilliant.
From what I’ve been reading, her husband’s cleaning up his act while in prison, and I hope that’s true. Amy has said that she’s going back to rehab at the end of the year, so that she’ll be clean when he’s released. I hope she makes it that long. She’s fabulous.
Saffi said,
December 2, 2007 at 7:57 pm
….just one little thought. Live the life you have and do not assist in the destruction of your children by demanding that they be carbon copies of you. Mothers are not to be blamed for everything, but they are guilty of many things.
moonbeammcqueen said,
December 2, 2007 at 8:01 pm
@ Saffi: If my kids turn out to be carbon copies of me, I’ll hurl myself from a tall building.
D said,
December 6, 2007 at 2:58 pm
There are many people who are bi-polar, or as it used to be called, manic depression. Amy Winehouse may be one of those people. Hopefully that will not be an excuse for her to not deal with her problems with addiction, which is a very separate and very real and deadly disease in it’s own right.
I have seen many people over the years who have addictive disorders diagnosed as being bi-polar by well meaning doctors that have no idea what the disease of addiction is or how to treat it. Truthfully, any addict worth their salt can easily obtain a bi-polar diagnosis because addiction shares a couple of the more blatant symptoms with bi-polar disorder. Very simply, the highs are too high, and the lows are too low. I have watched friends over the years that suffered from both either overdose or commit suicide because their doctors thought that treating the manic depression with medication and counseling was sufficient, all the while their addiction still raged un-checked, out of control and in the end, one disease/disorder fed the other.
AlleyGator said,
December 6, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Oh poor little girl, her family can’t help her. The more I read about her, the more I hate her, I feel bad I even used to even listen to her.
She’s doing this all for fame so I can blame her. Comparing her drug use to Hunter S. Thompson (who was a genius unlike white trash princess) was alittle bad since the man lived in the peak time of good MDMA & LSD, anyone who has ever done ketimene knows to never mix with drinking. She’s fine, she’s doing it to sell & everyone is buying into it. There are real people who need help, like kids who are sold into slavery or forced to take up arms at 10 to fight in a war. I was born with a very severe chemical imbalance, my parents treated me like crap, I probably used more drugs than that woman will ever see & I have been paying my own way in life since I was 16. I’m not falling apart, getting into problems with the cops & I’m paying for my own college. Addiction is not a disease, seeing how you were fine until you started smoking crack, I don’t think crack is all to blame. Maybe someone is that stupid or has had everything handed to her or maybe the little talent she does have carried only so far but feeling sorry for someone who has that much money, more money than people 90% will ever have is bad.
Donna said,
December 6, 2007 at 7:51 pm
I find quick and uninformed judgment appalling. Mental “Illness” is a very difficult thing to bear with – both for the person who suffers from it, as for those who surround them. First of all, nowadays even the most experienced, well instructed therapists and psychiatrists do not give precise diagnoses to most patients suffering with severe mental disorders.
Second of all, as someone who suffered from depression for a very, very long time and still battles with PTSD, I can say that those who live with this as a part of our daily lives, are aware that one of the most difficult things to deal with is the social stigma and the ostracism that we deal with since day #1.
Lack of information on these matters is as dangerous as the disorders themselves.
Amy Winehouse is a very talented woman, her voice is full of feeling – feelings -. She dares to be different – and she suffers the consequences as well. There is (almost) always a way out of the hell-hole whatever disorder you are suffering from has put you in. You just have to realize that you WANT to find the way out. Maybe she will manage to do that through her music. People with mental disorders or dual diagnoses (mental disorder and addiction) have a very difficult time recovering, but it happens all the time – we just don’t hear about it because no one wants to be stigmatized and pushed aside for something they had no say in.
moonbeammcqueen said,
December 6, 2007 at 8:03 pm
@ AlleyGator: I don’t think money has anything to do with it, and I doubt that anyone would be doing all of this for the publicity. I’m glad that you got through your problems okay, and I hope that you’ll understand that pain and suffering is pain and suffering– the reason for the suffering (whether it’s mental illness, addiction, slavery, etc) is irrelevant and not for us to really judge. Everyone could use a little compassion.
@ Donna: I hope that she does find her way out. There seem to be a lot of people around her that want to help– she just has to take that first step and let them do it.
AlleyGator said,
December 7, 2007 at 11:59 am
It’s sad, she’s not even crazy
How else is she going to sell an album about drugs unless she’s always on it
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amy_Winehouse
Dulcie said,
December 9, 2007 at 4:08 pm
damn straight! alleygator knows.
Everyone has a choice, Amy Winehouse can make her own choices and she has and she’s still awesome even though she takes drugs. Nearly every one takes drugs these days. Famous people and your average Mr/Mrs smith.
It would be wicked to preserve her talent and let her have a good time without the escapism from her problems through drugs, things are never simple. Amy’s addictions are old news, and like (cant find who it was again) i dont think anyone wants to see her in the papers in a coffin surrounded by paparazzi, trying to get that last shot of a legend. blessed be.
moonbeammcqueen said,
December 9, 2007 at 5:40 pm
@ Dulcie: You are so right. Things are never simple. I choose not to believe (as Alley does) that anyone would destroy themselves for publicity. If that is the case, well, that’s a sickness in itself . I can’t put myself in her shoes, or pretend to know what goes on in her mind. I prefer compassion to being judgmental. I just hope she gets well.
Hugh said,
December 10, 2007 at 9:22 pm
I have no sympathy for winehouse, none at all. If she chooses to cry about her past and allow it to frustrate her present and probably destroy her future, then so be it.
Many people, me included, have had very difficult periods in our lives, including childhood; one has a choice, simply forget the past and enjoy the future, she has already established herself and needs to stop whining like a child.
Ive known many like her, they choose to let their lives be dominated by past events; such events are however irrelevant; she needs to look at all of the handicapped and disabled people in the world, or the wards in the hospitals full of terminally ill children, then ask herself if she really has any problems.
Heathiela said,
December 15, 2007 at 7:48 pm
I don’t believe that Amy Winehouse is experiencing these painful feelings in result to having such a vast fan base. Obviously it’s hard to live in the spot light, but if Amy didn’t wish for fame then she never would have worked her way to the top. She needs fan support!
Alex said,
December 18, 2007 at 9:41 pm
I liked your article but it is impossible for her to way about a pound because if she did she would be dead. I know from experience about anorexia but not as much about bulimia. Its really hard when you see people saying others have stuff like anorexia or bulimia because you can tell first hand if they really have it or not. beside she is not as skinny as you think and anorexia is not by choice it is a brain disorder in a way that makes you think that your fat and every one else is skinnier than you. you don’t realize that your not eating enough. usually anorexic people are health nuts and love cooking.(but not for themselves.)
From Alex (once anorexic now recovered)
andie said,
December 19, 2007 at 5:30 pm
i think amy winehouse is a sad character. whether she does it for publicity, or if she actually has addictions, BPD, schizophrenia, whatever. she’s sad, and sick, and she needs help. personally, i think someone needs to give her a swift kick to the what’s-left-of-her-ass, and tell her to suck it up, go to rehab and actually care about herself. while it’s nice that so many of us care about her, i’m also becoming increasingly disgusted by our world’s obsession with celebrity.
BUT… allygator, wikipedia is really not a good source to use to back up any information for anything. i’m not trying to start drama, but wikipedia is written and re-written hundreds of times by people who may not know any more about the subject than anybody else. it’s not a very reliable source for anything. you can get a good gist for what the information is, but it’s generally better to not cite wikipedia for anything.
moonbeammcqueen said,
December 19, 2007 at 5:45 pm
@ Alex: Thanks for your comments. Of course I didn’t mean she literally weighs a pound, she’s just slowly wasting away. And I’m so glad that you’ve recovered!
@ andie: I agree completely with what you’ve said. Thanks.
C said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:05 am
Hey Amy…We’re all pullin’ for ya’ !! You’re voice and songwriting skills are AMAZING!! Get your SH– together and get back to concentrating on the music. You’re wasting valuable time on the nonsense when you’ve got plenty of good clean livin’ to do. GET BACK TO THE MUSIC AND STOP SIDE-STEPPING YOUR CALLING IN LIFE!! And for goodness sake, go back to a normal weight and take back your life. Godspeed.
hadar said,
December 29, 2007 at 5:38 pm
she may not look like your “normal” american celebrity – blonde and healthy lookin and allways happy, but thats cuz shes not trying to be a celebrity and if she were she wouldn’t be so amazing.. shes gonna be a living legend im sure of it! just for the fact that she has the biggest talent in world and for not trying to be somthin shes not..
moonbeammcqueen said,
December 30, 2007 at 3:41 am
@ C and Hadar: Really well said. I think her fan base knows that she’s incredibly talented, and part of her appeal is that she’s very much herself. Let’s hope she gets it together so she’ll be around for a long, long time.
Kez said,
January 5, 2008 at 10:46 pm
I love Amy Winehouse.
But isn’t it easy to get suckered into opinions about her, made by those who think they know what’s really going on for the girl and pretend to care (or not), like the media, the scathers who look at the outward behaviour and make harsh judgements on that alone, without fully understanding the experiences, emotions and thoughts that drive the behaviour??
The debates above have certainly provided food for thought, with particular thanks to the insightful and detailed comments of Jessica – you are brave in sharing your experiences in trying to help others understand the plight of mental illness….
The debate about appreciating what Amy has by looking at other’s who are ‘worse off’, such as the disabled or terminally ill is a long-riding one….my thoughts on that are this…suffering is suffering…however it comes about. If it affects a person’s basic functioning to the point they are barely recognisable as their former self, in appearance and attitudes and present with a general apathy towards life, no matter how rich, popular, able bodied or famous…..if someone reaches the point of ’self-destruct/neglect’ through self-loathing, self-analysis and self-discrimination…which, in Amy’s case seems fuelled by unkind public comments….that IS suffering…and a deep and sticky hell to climb out from.
I have no better understanding of what is eating away at the beautiful and talented Amy – what I see is someone wasting away with torment – however that has evolved – and that saddens me. The fact she has amazing talent which has put her in the limelight and made us oh too aware of one person’s suffering. Unfortunately she is one of many, many people who travel a path of what is commonly percieved as ’self-destruction’…call it mental illness, sadness, attention seeking, self-medicating, escapism or simply the ways one deals with life’s twists and turns….depending on which argument you adopt….
I only hope she finds herself – it’s too early (and defeatist) to write her off. She is young and has time on her side to learn about coping, managing emotions, and becoming stronger for it. Or to recieve the right treatment for the right diagnosis (beware of misdiagnosies by perplexed practitioners whom can’t quite ‘pigeonhole’ Amy in the mental health spectrum….)
But as a great believer of the Yin-Yang to life…with every gain there will be loss and visa versa – if her music is a product of her torment – the music that has touched millions with bare sincerity – that is the public’s gain for her losses. If she gets better through better understanding herself , her triggers, her coping strategies, and by nursing her hurt back to health – What she is at risk of losing is the emotion with which she views the world and promotes through her songs -what she’ll gain is a certain numbness, hardness and passivity about the way the world is……Only she can decide which outweighs the other….
Me? I want her to get better……x
Bryhan said,
January 14, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Yeah, I really love amy Winehouse’s music. I just heard her tonight on MTV and I was amazed. I will buy all of her music and listen to it endless in time. But I do hope she learns to love herself and find support to resist hurting herself any further. She’s very talented and she could really rock the music world.
Dear Amy Winehouse « Moonbeam McQueen said,
January 22, 2008 at 4:40 pm
[...] four months ago, I posted this essay about you. So far, it’s generated over 60,000 hits from all over the world, which means that [...]
2010 said,
January 23, 2008 at 2:26 am
Its her life. I like her music and hope she will be able to create. Thats all.
moonbeammcqueen said,
January 23, 2008 at 2:41 pm
@ Bryhan: She’s an amazing talent. I hope the same things you do.
@ 2010: That’s the bottom line, isn’t it? It’s her life, I just wish she valued it more.
rio said,
February 7, 2008 at 4:49 am
i think she iz great! so everyone just needs 2 let her b!
rudegirl said,
February 8, 2008 at 6:11 pm
I agree that she is super talented. and its sad but her self destruction is actually in a way beautiful. I just can’t figure out or wither the world will ever know why the most talented people tend to be the most self destructive. perhaps b/c they can’t/will not live in a world full of morons.
erinruffin said,
February 29, 2008 at 5:21 pm
her songs are honest and gritty and come from the exact place she is in (no matter how dark). It’s sad how sad she is. But she is a brilliant musician.
Facing Abuse » Blog Archive » Lifetime Alcoholic Hair said,
March 15, 2008 at 5:46 pm
[...] was from Moonbeam McQueen’s touching entry about Winehouse’s cutting, overdosing, anorexia, bulimia, and how she expresses the pain of [...]
annihilate_me said,
March 26, 2008 at 4:34 pm
As a former self-injurer I can only imagine the guilt she suffers from because of the press and news coverage. It is quite pathetic that papairazzi only journal about the mistakes and problems celebrities have. For those whom aren’t very informed, self-injury (the proper, correct term for cutting/burning/bruising/anorexia/bulimia) is an addiction. I just hope that people will realize she has addictions that are very hard to give up or recover from. In addition, I hope people will refrain from mocking or making fun of people with these serious addictions.
addy said,
March 30, 2008 at 2:56 pm
I don’t think that getting well for Amy will ever mean not doing music, and doing music will always be Amy’s down-fall, so for those of us who think Amy Winehouse is a genius we will probably have to deal with her premature death, or her premature exit from music. And since I don’t believe for a second that Amy WInehouse could possibly live without making music… well, you see what the options are.
I already miss her.
What a genius.
Frank said,
May 10, 2008 at 11:18 am
She is a drug addict plain and simple. That doesn’t mean she’s a bad person or anything ,she’s a sick person. Drug addiction is a disease of the mind. I know im in recovery myself. She can’t stop till she hits a bottom just like i did and countless other addicts had to. Being as it is a disease of the mind “you can’t fix something thats broken with something thats broken” . She needs help once she hits a bottom or should i say if she hits her bottom. Some don’t and die. Sad,but it happens all of the time. Her talent will go to shit if she doesn’t go to N.A meetings after some rehab. She wont last a second quiting on her own.
DJ said,
May 31, 2008 at 1:05 am
Thanks for not ripping on Amy, she rules, pray she doesn’t die.
Kai said,
June 17, 2008 at 6:31 am
If you are looking for a role model pick on someone else.
Amy is a singer not a motivational speaker. I hate you (Mr and Mrs Negative)
as you and the world always have something negative to say.
“You should be stronger than her”.
And why is that the one’s that don’t have sh*t complain the most about great things.
Leave your own lives and let her be.
ncx
Claire said,
June 25, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I feel for Amy becahse I was in the same state not so long ago myself. I completely understand how it is to fall into drugs and alcohol etc. when you are already in a state of depression it doesn’t take much if you end up around the right people at the right time and once you are into it you always hope to stop but you depress yourself more.
It can start from any number of reasons I think it all added up with me when I was younger I was born in Scotland UK. Then moved to US when I was 10 so I always felt different than everybody else anyway and then I started to just get depressed the older I started to get.
And for what I was depressed I do not understand because I never had it that bad but I think it was just little things like the way my dad use to talk to me. He was very critical and not a very happy drunk man. And my ex never helped either. No-one could ever tell because I always put on a happy face but it just kept taking its toll and building up till one day I took off into this false world I built. I started working at strip clubs then I woudn’t have a job for a while and then by the time I know it almost a year or so has passed and now I’m in a whole different part of the city. In a sh**ty a** country ghetto neighborhood out west of my own wondering how did it come to this?? I went from my parents in the suburbs, to the city of Houston (stripping and doing cocaine), all the way out back past my parents in the boondocks (smoking crack cocaine, drinking, and smoking weed).
I mean my parents were loving, not so strict, my dad was strict and talked alot of crap but only because he was trying to tell me right he just did things all the wrong way. i took a lot of things in life the wrong way (and possibly because I just wanted to believe this things I think I was just miserable with myself). I had lost so much weight and I would put make-up on and wear cute clothes and it didn’t seem so bad. It was like a fake world I was making and as long as I was on the drugs then I didn’t think about how much I missed my family and had slowly messed everything up with them. I didn’t have to think about anything but I got pregnant. And the more and more months went by and I started being sober more and more then when I would do drugs I would sit and wonder why am I doing this to myself. I have a baby, and so I went to a christian women’s recovery shelter as I was in the country I had nowhere else to go that they weren’t doing drugs around me. While there I establised a relationship back with my mother and eventually my dad and since the baby was born my parents let me move back into their house until I get on my feet.
Anyway I just turned 21 on May 28th (08) and have a beautiful healthy girl thanks to god (because the first half of my pregnancy I was on drugs) but if I wouldn’t have got pregnant I don’t think anything else would have got me to change because I probably just would’ve kept goin till I killed myself. God knew I couldn’t do it to the child inside. I pray for Amy and I think instead of running everybodie’s mouths about her if they don’t have anything nice to say just SHUT UP and pray for the girl. She is still young and it is so sad to see it from another perspective and just like Jessica said. Amy Winehouse makes way more money than the average person so if you end up in that lifestyle that’s alot of drugs and a lot of problems come with that. I don’t think any of us are able to judge her for what she’s doin because none of us can possibly be in her shoes with her mind frame. It’s impossible. I just know I would’ve have been the same by the age of 24 if it wasn’t for my child. Anyways wow too much typing.. aahh..
Also I hope that Amy surrounds herself with the right people because as long as you around people in the same situation they are never going to love you as much as their addiction and will never stop you from curing from yours.
It’s like the blind leading the blind, they are all goin into the ditch.
Moonbeam McQueen said,
June 29, 2008 at 9:49 am
Claire, at 21 you sound like a very wise old soul. I’m so very glad you’ve made it through it all. I want to congratulate you on turning things around, and on your beautiful new baby! You have a lot of inner strength, and I have a feeling that you’re a very good mother. She’s as lucky to have you as you are to have her.
I hope that Amy can turn her life around as you have yours. I’m still pulling for her, and as you’ve so nicely illustrated here, it CAN happen!
Hugs to you and your wonderful, supportive family.
Tom Foolery said,
July 23, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I always lumped Ms. Winehouse in with every other trashy pop star until I heard her music. Wow! Good stuff. But there is no way around the fact that her self-destructive nature will do her in. If she stops smoking crack and banging heroin, then there will be no more anguish in her soul for her to try to drown with chemicals. If there is nothing for her to drown with chemicals, then there is nothing to drive her to write such amazing music. And naturally, if she continues writing music, she will eventually die at her own hands. I just hope that she writes the most epic album ever before she kicks the bucket.
Is that such a surprise? Ask history what it thinks.
Tom, I hope you’re wrong about Amy W and her future, but I’m afraid you’re right.
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